In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Sample Response
Young people who have just finished high school studies could decide to continue studying at university or to work or travel abroad. This essay is about the advantages and disadvantages that young people could face deciding not to continue studying immediately after the high school graduation.
One of the possible advantages of encouraging young people to take a sabbatical year before university studies is that students could discover what they really like to do in the future: in fact, while studying, most of the subjects are superficially treated and students often feel forced to study, not understanding that they are deciding their future and not wasting time on books. So a one-year stop could clear ideas and teenagers could decide the best for their future.
On the contrary, encouraging young students to work or travel for a year before going to university could bring also disadvantages. Whereas some time could clarify ideas, too much time time could discourage former students to restart studying: for example young people who decide to work after high school usually don't return to study because they feel it could be too hard to do it. This fact could take to a fall in the number of students going to university.
To sum up, there are lots of reasons in favour of encouraging young people to work or travel for one year after graduating from the high school, but there are also some disadvantages that have to be taken into account.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrase Original: finished high school studies Suggested revision: finished high school Why it matters: 'Finish high school' is the standard concise expression.
- 2. Add time connector Original: face deciding Suggested revision: face when deciding Why it matters: 'When' is needed to link the possible difficulties to the decision.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: the high school graduation Suggested revision: high school graduation Why it matters: The general expression 'high school graduation' does not take 'the' here.
- 4. Use precise term Original: sabbatical Suggested revision: gap Why it matters: 'Gap year' is the conventional term for a break between school and university.
- 5. Use academic collocation Original: most of the subjects are superficially treated Suggested revision: most subjects are covered superficially Why it matters: Subjects are 'covered' rather than 'treated' when describing the depth of teaching.
- 6. Clarify logical link Original: students often feel forced to study, not understanding Suggested revision: students often feel forced to study without understanding Why it matters: 'Without understanding' clearly connects the students' feeling to their lack of awareness.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: deciding Suggested revision: shaping Why it matters: People 'shape' their future rather than 'decide' it in this context.
- 8. Clarify clause structure Original: not wasting time on books Suggested revision: that studying is not a waste of time Why it matters: A full clause clearly expresses what the students fail to understand.
- 9. Use natural term Original: stop Suggested revision: break Why it matters: 'Break' is the idiomatic noun for a temporary pause in education.
- 10. Clarify the expression Original: could clear ideas Suggested revision: could help clarify their ideas Why it matters: The revised phrase states naturally whose ideas become clearer.
- 11. Use correct collocation Original: decide the best for their future Suggested revision: make the best decision for their future Why it matters: English uses 'make a decision' rather than 'decide the best'.
- 12. Use accurate transition Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: However Why it matters: The paragraph adds a contrasting disadvantage rather than directly refuting the preceding claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- finished high school studies finished high school
- face deciding face when deciding
- the high school graduation high school graduation
- sabbatical gap
- most of the subjects are superficially treated most subjects are covered superficially
- students often feel forced to study, not understanding students often feel forced to study without understanding
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is clearly organised around one advantage and one disadvantage, and each main idea receives a relevant explanation. However, the discussion has limited breadth, the conclusion is generic, and several unnatural expressions reduce precision; the slight shortfall in length also leaves little room for fuller development. The main priority is to add more specific consequences or examples while using more natural verb-noun combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are addressed with relevant explanation, but each side relies on a single idea and the conclusion adds little synthesis.
Broaden the discussion with one further specific benefit or drawback and make the conclusion summarise the relative significance of both sides.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and overall progression are clear, though a few linking expressions are formulaic or awkwardly used.
Connect supporting sentences through their logical meaning and use contrast markers only where the relationship is genuinely contrastive.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of topic vocabulary, including some less common choices, but recurrent collocation errors make several phrases sound unnatural.
Practise natural combinations such as clarify their goals, return to education, and lead to a decline, then check each key verb-noun pairing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a useful range of complex sentences, but errors with articles, word order, punctuation, and verb patterns recur.
Improve control of subordinate clauses and gerund structures, and split overly long sentences where independent ideas are joined only by punctuation.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.