In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Sample Response
It is understandable to think that taking a year between finishing high school and starting university studies might be a good think to do. For starters, both working and travelling are two activities that provide experiences of some sort to anyone, and doing so, should give the student a new perspective on his or her life. A high school student is 18 at the time he has to enter university. At that age, one could think that he is too young to work. But far from being truth, starting a job will prove to be something good in the future, as long as it isn't a stressful and slavering job. By the time the young boy is ready to begin his university studies, he will be more responsible, more experienced and aware of what he wants to do with his life. If instead of working, he wants to travel, although not making as much money as if he worked, the experience wouldn't be any disappointing. Travelling the world is a rewarding adventure, where a person can learn more about others and about itself. Besides, travelling alone, gives you the time to think about yourself, if your life is going the right way and if you are ready to take the next step. Learning about other cultures can help you grow a critical view about your own, and be ready to face changes and obstacle during your life. Although I agree with the premise, I don't think it should be encouraged to take more than a year. If this happens, there is a chance that the student loses focus and forgets about the university. While making a career in the workplace would be great, we should encourage young and capable students to achieve a higher level of education even if they already have a job. With all that, and with the expressed opinion about the duration, I agree that it should be encouraged for young people to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies, so we can build a better life for the citizens of the future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the word Original: think Suggested revision: thing Why it matters: Think is a verb, while the sentence requires the noun thing.
- 2. Remove redundancy Original: both working and travelling are two activities Suggested revision: working and travelling are activities Why it matters: Both and two repeat the same numerical meaning.
- 3. Remove the comma Original: doing so, should Suggested revision: doing so should Why it matters: A comma must not separate this subject phrase from its verb.
- 4. Add the article Original: being Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The fixed expression is far from the truth.
- 5. Use precise wording Original: something good in the future Suggested revision: beneficial in the future Why it matters: Beneficial expresses the positive long-term effect more precisely.
- 6. Correct the word choice Original: slavering Suggested revision: exhausting Why it matters: Slavering does not describe an excessively demanding job.
- 7. Use an inclusive term Original: boy Suggested revision: person Why it matters: Young person fits university entrants of any gender.
- 8. Keep comparison parallel Original: more experienced and aware Suggested revision: more experienced and more aware Why it matters: Repeating more makes the coordinated comparative adjectives fully parallel.
- 9. Fix the relative phrase Original: adventure, where Suggested revision: adventure through which Why it matters: Through which correctly describes the experience as a means of learning.
- 10. Fix pronoun agreement Original: itself Suggested revision: themselves Why it matters: The reflexive pronoun should refer to the person, not the adventure.
- 11. Remove the comma Original: travelling alone, gives Suggested revision: travelling alone gives Why it matters: A comma must not separate the subject from the verb.
- 12. Correct the collocation Original: grow a critical view Suggested revision: develop a critical perspective Why it matters: Develop a perspective is the natural academic collocation.
Suggested Rewrites
- think thing
- both working and travelling are two activities working and travelling are activities
- doing so, should doing so should
- being the
- something good in the future beneficial in the future
- slavering exhausting
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response’s strongest feature is its extended explanation of how work or travel can build responsibility, perspective and cultural awareness. Its main limitation is task coverage: the requested disadvantages of taking the one-year break are scarcely addressed, because the main risk concerns taking more than a year instead. Prioritise adding developed disadvantages of the actual gap year, such as cost, delayed study or difficulty returning to academic routines, and organise both sides separately.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The advantages are relevant and developed, but the disadvantages of deciding to take a one-year break are largely missing, leaving the discussion substantially unbalanced.
Develop at least two drawbacks that apply within the one-year period and explain their consequences for young people before reaching a balanced conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas move from work to travel and then a caution about duration, but the essay is one long paragraph and shifts between points without a clear advantages-versus-disadvantages structure.
Use an introduction, separate advantage and disadvantage paragraphs, and a brief conclusion that synthesises both sides.
Lexical Resource
The essay attempts a reasonable range of experience and education vocabulary, but frequent errors such as “good think,” “slavering job,” “any disappointing” and “grow a critical view” reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as “good thing,” “exploitative job,” “not disappointing” and “develop a critical perspective.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex sentences are attempted, but errors in agreement, pronouns, articles, punctuation and clause construction occur frequently while meaning remains generally clear.
Keep references consistently plural for young people and remove misplaced commas from participial and subordinate clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.