In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Sample Response
The job of a supervisor requires a lot of preparation and the strong attitude at caring about the quality of work. The most relevant qualities of a supervisor will be analised in the following paragraphs, supported by specific details and examples. Firstly, one of the most important characteristics of a supervisor is the perfect comprehension of the nature and dynamics of the work he has to manage with. Furthermore, the supervisor is a manager who leads the work of a group of people, so he has to be comprehensive on errors and at the same time he has not to lose the control over his subordinates, letting them do unrepairable mistakes. That's a really challenging task that I'm experiencing this current year like responsible of a group of research which represents the University of Padova in a European competition called Solar Decathlon.
Another fundamental quality that makes a good supervisor is the capacity of judging equally all the subordinates' works, instead of being preferential towards the ones which respect more his ideas. The quality also includes his/her focus to the deadline and attaining excellence in the team. Supervising a group of people with a strict rule is not always possible and more leadership quality, in this case, is essential. Being able to keep balance in the team and observing the progress while learning from the past mistakes three other qualities each good supervisor should have. In conclusion, a supervisor has to be perfectly acknowledged on the tasks he's working with and he has to be a leader strict but right at the eyes of his subordinates.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: the strong attitude Suggested revision: a strong commitment Why it matters: Commitment is the natural noun for sustained concern about work quality.
- 2. Correct preposition pattern Original: at caring about Suggested revision: to maintaining Why it matters: Commitment is followed by to plus a gerund in this structure.
- 3. Correct spelling Original: analised Suggested revision: analysed Why it matters: Analysed is the correct British English spelling.
- 4. Remove extra preposition Original: manage with Suggested revision: manage Why it matters: Manage takes the work itself as a direct object here.
- 5. Use intended adjective Original: comprehensive on errors Suggested revision: understanding about errors Why it matters: Comprehensive means thorough, whereas understanding expresses tolerance of errors.
- 6. Correct modal structure Original: he has not to lose Suggested revision: he must not lose Why it matters: Must not correctly expresses the obligation to avoid losing control.
- 7. Remove unnecessary article Original: the control Suggested revision: control Why it matters: The fixed expression is lose control without an article.
- 8. Correct error collocation Original: do unrepairable mistakes Suggested revision: make irreparable mistakes Why it matters: English uses make a mistake, and irreparable is the appropriate adjective.
- 9. Remove redundant wording Original: this current year Suggested revision: this year Why it matters: This and current duplicate the same time reference.
- 10. Correct role expression Original: like responsible of Suggested revision: as the person responsible for Why it matters: A role is introduced with as, and responsible takes the preposition for.
- 11. Correct noun complement Original: capacity of judging equally Suggested revision: ability to assess fairly Why it matters: Ability takes a to-infinitive, and fairly expresses impartial judgement accurately.
- 12. Use uncountable work Original: works Suggested revision: work Why it matters: Work is uncountable when referring collectively to what employees produce.
Suggested Rewrites
- the strong attitude a strong commitment
- at caring about to maintaining
- analised analysed
- manage with manage
- comprehensive on errors understanding about errors
- he has not to lose he must not lose
Why this response received Band 4.5
The response has a recognizable essay structure and develops several points about effective supervision with generally understandable progression. Its decisive limitation is that it does not address the assigned question about the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, so none of its content fulfils the task. The highest priority is to identify every part of the prompt and build the entire response around relevant benefits and drawbacks.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response is wholly unrelated to the required discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of a gap year.
Answer the actual prompt by developing relevant advantages and disadvantages for young people who work or travel before university.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response uses a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with broadly logical progression despite some awkward internal links.
Give each body paragraph one sharply defined main idea and use referencing and transitions more naturally within it.
Lexical Resource
There is some range for discussing leadership, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Use natural combinations such as understanding the work, tolerate mistakes, treat staff fairly, and knowledgeable about the tasks.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the main meaning, but recurring article, preposition, agreement, and clause errors weaken control.
Prioritize accurate sentence construction and edit each complex sentence for missing verbs, articles, and correct prepositions.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.