Many of the diseases which afflict people who do office jobs are the direct result of a sedentary lifestyle. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The new era brings technology to humankind's fingertipstechnology to feet of human kind. These advances in technology help us to spend our working lives in sedentary jobsspend our lifetime with sedentary jobs which don't require physical movementmaking movements during working hours or travelling between citiesand travel between cities. But, unfortunately, this comfort in our lives affects our health and causescause widespreadprevalent diseases. These diseases decrease our happiness tremendously. In this essay, I will examine the root causesexamine root causes of these diseases and inform you about ways to avoid them whileeven living in a sedentarysteady lifestyle. First of all, most common diseasesmostly seen diseases among computer science professionals include carpal tunnel syndromeare "carpal tunnel" which happens due to excessive use of a mouseexcessive usage of the mouse during working hours. One of the symptoms of this illness is feeling pain when using a mouseduring usage of the mouse. Luckily, it could be avoided easily by using a mouse padby usage of the mouse pad with wrist support. Secondly, many monitoring professionals are required to sendshould require sending countless e-mails and those might end up with joint calcifications because of high rates of keyboard usage. But, this issue could refrain easily by creating scripts in order to decrease keyboard usage or should be minimised by creating templates for all necessary e-mails only for once. Furthermore, employees in sedentary workplaces areeach steady workplace employees are in danger of spine issues because of sitting still in a chairstanding still on a chair for hours. However, abstaining from these issues is possible by walking around during regular breaksstrolling around in regular breaks and exercising regularly even when you are sitting on your chair. Another disease which could happen because of a sedentary lifestylebecause of sedentary life is a hernia and it is really common among engineers. Eliminating risks to secure ourselves from this issue is only possible by changing our habits. For example sitting on a yoga ball is on the rise over the last decadesince last decade in order to refrain from a hernia. Even if you don't like to use it, you could easily avoid this illness by sitting properly which are recommended by orthopedicians as well. Last but not least, common illnesses among steady workers is obesity. This disease is considered as illness of future and it leads to variety of diseases from heart attack to organ failures. But, the underlying reason to become obese is an uncontrolled eating habit and it could be easily obtained by regular exercises and follow your doctor's instructions. In conclusion, I believe that lifestyle is a choice and many of aforementioned diseases could be avoided by changing our lifestyles. Due to all of my explanations, I strongly disagree that diseases are not the result of sedentary lifestyle.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response provides a substantial range of relevant workplace-health examples and generally makes the intended cause-and-prevention relationships understandable. Its main limitation is the contradictory position: the body largely supports the claim that sedentary work causes disease, but the conclusion says it strongly disagrees and uses a double negative; the highest-priority improvement is to state one clear degree of agreement and organize the supporting reasons into focused paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses relevant diseases and preventive actions, but it does not consistently answer the extent question and ends with a contradictory position.
Choose a clear degree of agreement in the introduction, sustain it throughout, and ensure every example directly supports that position rather than mainly offering remedies.
Coherence and Cohesion
Sequencing words make the order of examples visible, but the single extended paragraph, repetitive connectors, and abrupt shifts weaken overall progression.
Group related health effects into two or three focused body paragraphs, each beginning with a controlling idea and ending with a link to the position.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonably broad health and workplace vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations sometimes make claims unclear.
Replace recurring misuses such as steady for sedentary and refrain for prevent, and favor precise familiar terms over uncertain technical expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences, but frequent agreement, article, clause, and verb-form errors reduce control and occasionally obscure meaning.
Build complex sentences around accurate subject-verb agreement and clause structures, then check articles, relative pronouns, and passive forms systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many of the diseases which afflict people who do office jobs are the direct result of a sedentary lifestyle. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.