Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce this pressure?
Sample Response
In recent times, children have been experiencing mounting pressure from several areas of their livesvarious aspects of their lives, such as educationacademics, social interactions, and commercialism. In this essay, this essay examineswe will delve into the causes of these pressures and outline some measures that could be taken to alleviate them.
There are several reasons why children are facing increasing pressurean increasing amount of pressure. A major causeOne of the main causes is the emphasis placed on academic performance. Schools and parentsSchools and parents alike put significant pressure on children to excel academically, because they expect thatwith the expectation that good grades will lead to better opportunities in the future. In addition, the rise of social media has contributed to children's social pressurethe social pressure that children face. Social media platforms have become a main communication channel for young peoplea primary means of communication among young people, and the constant comparison withto others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. Finally, commercial pressures, such as advertising, can influence children's purchasing decisions and make them feel like they need to have the latest gadgets or clothing to fit in with their peers.
To reduce these pressures, various measures could be taken. Firstly, schools and parents should place less emphasis on academic performance and more on overall personal development. This would involve encouraging children to develop other skills, such as teamwork and creativity, and providing them with opportunities to explore different areas of interest. Additionally, social media usage should be monitored and limited to avoid overexposure and unhealthy comparisons. Finally, commercial advertising aimed at children should be regulated to ensure that children are not being unduly influenced by commercial interests.
In conclusion, the mounting pressures faced by children in contemporary society can have detrimental effects on their well-being and development. However, by addressing the underlying causes of these pressures and taking steps to alleviate them, we can create a more supportive and nurturing environment for children to grow and thrive in.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully addresses both questions by identifying distinct academic, social, and commercial causes and pairing them with practical measures. The argument is clearly organised and expressed with strong control, although some solutions remain general and the repeated vocabulary of pressure and children slightly reduces stylistic flexibility. The highest-priority improvement is to explain how the proposed monitoring and regulation would operate or produce the intended benefits.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response covers the three specified sources of pressure and proposes relevant measures for each, with clear and sufficiently developed explanations.
Develop the implementation of social-media limits and advertising regulation so the proposed measures are as specific as the causes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear cause-and-solution structure, logical paragraph progression, and cohesive links that make the argument easy to follow.
Create slightly more explicit links between each cause and its corresponding measure to strengthen the problem-solution pairing.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise range of vocabulary describes causes, effects, and remedies naturally, despite some repetition of central terms.
Use selective synonyms or referencing for repeated words such as 'pressure' and 'children' while retaining clarity and precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple sentence forms are varied and consistently well controlled, with only rare minor lapses.
Maintain the same high accuracy while varying clause openings to make the polished sentence patterns feel less formulaic.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce this pressure?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.