Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today?
Sample Response
Nowadays, the viewopinion that unemployment is the biggest obstacle to school-leavers is widely heldhas been a common notion in many countries. However, I do not agree with this assessment as I believe that young people today face even greaterbigger challenges than unemployment. In this essay, I will explain my positionelaborate on my opinion and provide reasons to support it.
While it is true that unemployment is a significant challenge for school graduates, it is not the biggest obstacle they face. One major concern is thatFirstly, the education system itself can be a challenge. Many students struggle to find the right career path, and the pressure to perform well in academic examinations in higher educationacademic exams in higher studies can be overwhelming, leading to stress and anxiety. Additionally, students from lower socio-economic backgrounds may face financial barriers to accessing higher education or even completing their secondary education. This can result in them being unable to compete for the best job opportunities, even if they secure employmentdo manage to secure employment.
Moreover, young people today face other challenges that have a significant impact on their mental health and overall well-being. The rise of social media has increased the risk of cyberbullying, harassment, and addiction, causing young people to struggle with self-esteem and anxiety. Additionally, the prevalence of mental health issues such as depression and anxiety has risen in recent years, with young people being among the most affected.
In conclusion, while unemployment is undoubtedly a significant challenge for school-leavers, I do not agree that it is the biggest obstacle they face. The education system, financial barriers, and mental health issues are equally significant barriers to young people's progressjust as crucial in hindering young people's progress. It is essential to address all these challenges to ensure that school-leavers can lead fulfilling and successful lives.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear position and maintains it through a well-organised discussion of educational, financial, and mental-health challenges. Its main limitation is that several points remain broad and asserted rather than being explored through specific consequences or examples. The highest-priority improvement is to develop fewer alternative challenges in greater depth and show more explicitly why they outweigh unemployment.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions with a clear position and several relevant, generally developed alternative challenges.
Develop the comparison with unemployment more explicitly and support the main alternatives with specific examples or consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clear paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader effectively.
Use less formulaic signposting and strengthen the conceptual links between the educational, financial, and mental-health points.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently varied vocabulary conveys the argument clearly, although a few collocations are slightly awkward or imprecise.
Refine expressions such as academic exams in higher studies and choose more precise language for comparing the severity of challenges.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used accurately, with only rare minor lapses that do not impede meaning.
Maintain this strong control while varying sentence openings and tightening the occasional overextended sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.