Some workplaces do not ensure the safety of workers who use dangerous equipment. What can be done? Who should take responsibilities to ensure safety at workplaces? What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
Accidents in some workplaces are assumed inevitable for employees with certain skills or professions such as cooks, construction workers, high voltage operation technicians and drivers. However, in order to avoid or minimise accidents, it is necessary to understand what has led to this happening first. In this essay, I first of all will examine what necessary actions arewhat are necessary actions to be taken for avoiding accidents, and then I will suggest who should take practical stepstake necessary actions to prevent unexpected accidentsget rid of unexpected. Surely the principal cause of accidents that happen to staffwhich happens to staffs who use dangerous equipmentmaterial is due to lack of education. For instance, a worker who works for minimum wage most likely isn’t aware of safety instructions if not educated deeply with examples and asin a result of this, the accident might be possible even when usingfor even usage of basic equipment. In order to eliminate this chance, the government should take necessary actions to compel employers to hire health, safety, and environment officersenvironment, health and safety officers. These officers should be responsible for all workers’ safety educationall workers education process. In addition, officers should also inspect the workplaceinvestigate workplace to make sure that it is safe for everyone. WhileAlthough employers should be responsible for hiring officers to ensure education level of workers, the government should take necessary actions. For example, unannounced audits and investigations can be made to understand whether workers’ training is sufficient to keep them safeeducation level of workers might secure their life. Furthermore, investigated negligence should be punished with a substantial fineended up with a serious fine by the government to urge employers for reviewing internal safety processeschecking internal process about the education of health and safety. To summarise all points that I explained so far, workers using dangerous equipment should educate themselves about dangers of their profession, also employers should control their staffs’ knowledge level regularly and the government should ensure the status of safety systemssystems status and punish those whopunish who do not care as much as required.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies relevant workplace-safety measures and recognises that employers, safety officers, workers, and government all share responsibility. Its main limitation is that the position and solution development remain repetitive and difficult to follow, with frequent language errors adding strain. Prioritise a clear four-paragraph structure that separates practical solutions from responsibilities, states the opinion explicitly, and uses shorter, accurately phrased sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The answer addresses what can be done and identifies employers, safety officers, workers, and government as responsible. The position is present but not clearly framed, and the solution discussion is repetitive around education and audits rather than fully explaining a range of practical measures.
Organise the answer into two clear solutions and one responsibility paragraph, making your own view explicit at the end of the introduction and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is some logical movement from causes to education, officers, audits, and fines, but the whole essay is one long block and several transitions are weak. Repetition of necessary actions and education level reduces progression.
Use four paragraphs and begin each body paragraph with a precise topic sentence that signals the role of employers, government, or workers.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is topic-related, with terms such as safety instructions, audits, negligence, and fines. However, many word choices are inaccurate, including staffs, dangerous material, get rid of unexpected, and systems status.
Learn fixed phrases for workplace safety, such as safety training, protective equipment, workplace inspections, and legal penalties.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses complex sentences, but errors in relative clauses, articles, plural nouns, and passive structures occur frequently. Meaning is usually recoverable, though some sentences become strained.
Break long sentences into shorter ones and check subject-verb agreement, plural nouns, and article use before adding complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some workplaces do not ensure the safety of workers who use dangerous equipment. What can be done? Who should take responsibilities to ensure safety at workplaces? What is your opinion on that?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.