The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007.
Sample Response
The bar graph provides information on the number of elephants in different countries between 1997 and 2004. Generally speaking, in India and Myanmar, the maximum number of elephants inhabited and the total number of elephants decreased over time. As is presented in the bar graph, approximately 9,800 elephantsapproximately 10 thousand elephants lived in India in 19941997 , the highest figure among the countries shownwhich was the highest among the given countries. Myanmar had the second-largest elephant populationMyanmar is the second largest country for elephants’ dwelling. Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos and China had about 1000 elephants in 1994, while Malaysiain 1997 while Malaysia, Sri Lanka and Thailand had about 3,000 to 3,700 elephantsroughly 3000 elephants. The least number of elephants were in China in 19941997. Thirteen years later, in 2007After 7 years, in 2004, the number of elephants in all countries decreased except in Laos. The number of elephantselephant in India fell to 7,500 in 20077500 in 2004 while this number decreased to about 4,700 in Myanmar4800 in Myanmar and to about 1,200 in Thailandonly to 1200 in Thailand. Cambodia is the only country where the total number of elephants increased while the number reached to an alarming number of less than 500 in China. In summary, India, Myanmar and Thailand had the largest elephant populations amonglargest number of elephant among the given countries and except in Cambodia and Laos, elephant populationselephants presence decreased over the 13-year periodonly in 7 years which is concerning for the speciesalarming for the existence of this species.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response selects the dominant countries and communicates the overall decline clearly, while using several relevant figures to compare 1997 with 2004. Its main weakness is a contradiction over whether Cambodia increased, alongside some imprecise descriptions and awkward language. The highest-priority improvement is to give one accurate overview that consistently identifies Cambodia as rising and Laos as broadly stable while the other populations fell.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main pattern and leading populations are covered with mostly appropriate figures, but the account contradicts itself about Cambodia and inaccurately says Laos increased.
State consistently that Cambodia rose, Laos remained approximately unchanged, and all other countries declined.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses from the broad trend to country comparisons and a concluding summary, but repetition, one-paragraph presentation, and the Cambodia contradiction disrupt cohesion.
Use separate overview and detail paragraphs, and group countries by sharp decline, modest decline, increase, or stability.
Lexical Resource
The response has adequate range for describing change and ranking, though several word choices and collocations sound unnatural or imprecise.
Prefer precise phrases such as elephant population, was home to, declined to, and remained stable.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence structures and remains clear, despite recurring errors in noun number, articles, possessives, and prepositions.
Check plural agreement and noun phrases, especially numbers of elephants and the elephant population, while removing unnecessary prepositions after reached.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.