The graph below shows the average length of stay last year (in days) for serious injuries for different age groups in private and public hospitals in Queensland, Australia.
Sample Response
The graph provides two sets of statistics regarding the differing lengths of staystays last year for patients with serious injuries in private and public hospitals in Queensland, Australia. The information is given for age groups in five-year age bandsfor every four years of age.
Overall, it is clear that last year stays in public hospitalspublic hospitals stays were longer than stays at private hospitals across all age groups, with only one exception. The average lengths of stay were, however, very similar in their trendsvery similar in trend in terms of how the stays rose and felldropped.
The figures for public hospitals begin with the zero-to-four age groupfor the age group zero to four years. The lengths of stay go up very sharply and steadily from this age group, starting at around four days up to just under sixty days for the age group twenty-five to twenty-nine. There is then a sharp and steady drop to just over forty days by the 35-to-39 age groupto the age group thirty-five to thirty-nine. There is a sharper increasea more sharp increase to approximately fifty-seven days for the next age group and then there is a decrease in the length of hospital stays. This drop is sharp to start with, but slows down from the age group fifty to fifty-four years (around twenty-seven days) to eighty-five years plus (around eighteen days).
The figures for private hospitals follow a similar trend. The figures begin with the age group fifteen to nineteen years. They show a rise to a peak at the age group twenty-five to twenty-nine, the same peak age group for public hospitals. There is then a mostly steady drop in the length of hospital stay until the eighty-five years age group, where the length of stay is the same as the stay at public hospitals (around eighteen days). This is the only average length of stay that is the same for the public and private hospitals. The average length of stay is always larger in the age groups at public hospitals.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear overview and a detailed, largely accurate account of both hospital series, with sensible selection of peaks, declines, and the final convergence. Its main weakness is occasional imprecision in wording and in describing minor fluctuations. Greater lexical variety and closer attention to comparative forms and small reversals would make an already strong report more exact and polished.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and well-selected data accurately describe the main peaks, declines, and the equality at 85+, although a few minor fluctuations are simplified.
Acknowledge the small rises within the later downward trends and describe the five-year age bands accurately.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses logically from the overview to separate, well-developed accounts of the public and private series.
Reduce repeated sequencing patterns by grouping related changes into slightly more concise comparative sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, though repeated uses of sharp, drop, and length of stay and a few awkward collocations limit flexibility.
Use more varied, exact trend language and replace awkward forms such as more sharp with sharper.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is handled well, with occasional errors in possessives, articles, and comparative forms that do not impede meaning.
Proofread noun phrases and comparisons, especially public hospital stays, the 85+ age group, and sharper increase.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the average length of stay last year (in days) for serious injuries for different age groups in private and public hospitals in Queensland, Australia.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.