Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? What is your view? Discuss.
Sample Response
Over the last few decades, some countries have reported an overall increase in the average weight of people with a higher proportion among childrenmore percentage in children and adolescents. It was earlier thought to be a disease of developed countries such as UK, US and other European countries but now the similar trend is also seen in some of the developing countries like India, China and other Asian countries. The foremost reason forof the problem lies in the food habits. Traditional and local diet were quite balanced and used to provide an appropriate amount of calories, mineralsMinerals and fibres in the diet. Now globalisation and the influence of media have changeddue to globalisation and influence of media have changed the way we eat. Ready-to-cook mealsReady to cook meals are good to taste and can be easily prepared in no time. However, they contain preservatives and lack the freshness of homemade food. Fresh leafy vegetables and fruits have virtually disappeared from our plates. Many people in today’s world are physically inactive and live a sedentary life. Earlier, a lot of emphasis was placedemphases was given on outdoor activities and games such as footballgames as football, cricket, and also working in farms. There were plenty of playgrounds available for sporting activities. Nowadays, most of the children are glued to TV and the Internetglued to TV, the Internet for watching TV shows and playing games. As technology develops furtherAs we progress in the field of technology more, we have become lazy, inactive and sedentary. This lack of physical activity and changed eating habits, both have contributed to an increaseboth have contributed to increase in the incidence of obesity all around the world. To tackle this problem is of utmost importance and needs definite action. Parents are the key to solving this issue. Promoting good eating habits and preparing a balanced dietpreparing balanced diet is essential. It is also a time to stop junk food. Educating children about benefits of playing outdoor games and then restoring a balance between calorie consumption and energy expenditure is an important part of the solutionthe ultimate solution.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies relevant causes of childhood obesity and proposes practical solutions, using a useful range of health and lifestyle vocabulary. Its main limitation is that the personal view is not explicitly developed, while the one-block presentation and frequent language errors make the cause-solution progression less controlled. State a clear thesis, organise causes and matching solutions in separate paragraphs, and explain how each measure would reduce obesity before proofreading sentence structure and agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses causes and solutions and includes a generally clear view about diet and inactivity. However, the personal view is not explicitly developed, and some causes and solutions are listed rather than fully analysed.
Make the thesis explicit, then match each cause with a specific solution and explain how it would reduce childhood obesity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a broadly logical order, but the essay is presented as one block with limited paragraphing, which weakens progression.
Use separate paragraphs for background, causes, solutions, and conclusion so the reader can follow the argument more easily.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic vocabulary, but several word choices and collocations are inaccurate or awkward.
Use more precise health and lifestyle collocations, such as "higher proportion," "cause of the problem," and "balanced diet."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is mostly understandable with some complex structures, but errors in agreement, articles, capitalization, and sentence construction are frequent.
Check subject-verb agreement after long introductory phrases and avoid sentence fragments.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? What is your view? Discuss.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.