The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?
Sample Response
All around the world, living standardsthe living standards are becoming higher and increasingly similarand all more similar to Western societieswestern society. This changechanging in everyday lifein the everyday life also bringsbrings also its contradictions and drawbacks, like the dramatic increaseincreasing in the number of overweight people. This problem is even more worrying if we consider the number of overweight children, whose causes will be discussedwhich causes will be treated in this essay. One of the reasons lots of people think is the cause of such a problem is the exponentially growing number of fast food outlets in developed countries. Fast-food outlets were originally placesFast foods originally were places where people could eat a mealwhere to eat a meal in a short timein few times, but have now also becomebut now have become also one of the easiest and cheapest places to have lunchthe easiest and cheapest solution to have lunch all over the world. Consequently millions of families prefer to eat at fast-food outletseat in fast foods where the food is appealing, thanks to extensive advertisingthe huge work on advertisements, and the cost is reasonable. Therefore, parents bring their children to the fast food outlets, where food isn't organic at all and the portion sizesthe dimensions of a meal are completely oversizedover-proportioned. However, parents are responsible for their children's diet and have to look after them in order to prevent them from becomingavoid they become overweight or even obese. Parents have to find time to prepare healthy food for children, for example, fresh vegetables or meat, that don't require more than half an hour of cooking. Moreover, parents have to remove sweets from their children's dietfree their children's diet from sweets, replacingexchanging them with fresh fruit. In conclusion, both fast foods and lack of parental control are causes of the increasing number of overweight children. Consequently, a change in familiar eating habits and in fast food outlets menus could prevent the risk of a future worldwide spread obesity problem.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear view that fast-food availability and parental choices both contribute, and it offers relevant practical examples. Its ideas remain only moderately developed, while frequent awkward phrasing and grammatical errors reduce precision, and the single-paragraph format weakens the organisation. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the argument into clear paragraphs and develop each cause with a more specific explanation of how it leads to childhood obesity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question directly, takes a clear position on both proposed causes, and supports it with relevant but moderately developed ideas.
Explain the mechanism and relative importance of each cause more fully instead of relying mainly on brief assertions and recommendations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through fast food, parental responsibility, and a consistent conclusion, but presenting everything as one paragraph weakens structural clarity.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with each body paragraph centred on one clearly developed cause.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to discuss diet and responsibility, but recurring word-form and collocation errors frequently reduce precision.
Replace awkward combinations such as references to meal dimensions and familiar eating habits with natural, topic-specific collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences, but frequent errors in articles, clause structures, agreement, and word forms limit accuracy.
Practise accurate subordinate clauses and verb patterns, especially structures such as preventing children from becoming overweight.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.