It is observed in many countries that less and less people nowadays go to the cinema to watch movies. What could be the possible cause and solution of this?
Sample Response
In today's modern era, cinema is playing a significant role. It is an important way to spread messages to the public and it also acts as a source of entertainment nowadays. However, in recent yearsin the recent years, people are moving awaypeople moving away from it. Due to fewer numbers of people prefer to watch movies or play in the cinema. In this essay, I shall discuss some possible causes and also would like to give my suggestion to increase the attendance in cinemas.
First of all, the Internet provides all the newlynew released movies and plays. Although it is recorded in a cinema or elsewhererecorded from cinema or anywhere else, people like to watch it because it is free of cost. Because it is easy to find videos on the Internetfind video over the Internet, the public do not gopublic do not go to the cinema to watch movies. They know that some time after releaseafter some time of release, the movie will be available on the Internet. In reality, there are many websites available where you can find many newlynew released movies. Further, piracy is not limited only tofor the Internet. Many people, who engage in piracydo this piracy, burn CDs and sell it in the market. Although this is illegal, itHowever, this is illegal but still it is being done in front of us. Furthermore, with advancesadvancement in technology, the time lag between the releases of movies is very shortless. At the same time, hundreds of movies are being releasedmovies are releasing. This trend kills the people's interest in cinemainterest of people about cinema. Lastly, hundreds of channels on cable networks playhundreds of channel over cable network playing movies on television. People know that after some time, movies will be played on television. So they wait patientlykeep patience and do not go to the cinema. Besides the quality of local cinemas isquality of local cinema are also questionable.
To tackle this problem of declining cinema viewers, we need to face the piracy problem first. Piracy is the most affecting cause of cinema attendances’ declining in the modern world. Laws which work on piracy should be amended accordingly and strong punishment should be given to those who are found guilty of it. If anyone pirates this copyrighted property should be arrested and then this will generate a fear in others who pirates movies. Secondly, the websites which offer free download should be wiped out from the internet as they violets the piracy laws. If the public does not find any free download sites then they will shift to the cinema. Thirdly, the film production companies should not sell their newly released movies to the television channel owners. This step will definitely affect the watcher and they will move to the cinema. Piracy is an illegal act and the law enforcers should be active to prevent it. People should be encouraged not to support piracy. If a common man understands that the people are making a black money by selling a pirated CDs then definitely they will not support piracy. Thus cinema will, of course, gain some momentum with watchers. Lastly, local filmmakers should produce more authentic and entertaining movies that would make competition with the foreign movies.
To sum up, I would conclude by saying that the cinema will re-achieve its pace if necessary steps are taken and that should be done as soon as possible. However, the first step should be to tackle the piracy.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its substantial coverage of both causes and solutions, with piracy, television availability, enforcement and film quality all discussed. Its impact is reduced by repetition, especially around piracy, and by frequent awkward collocations and grammatical errors that make several sentences cumbersome. The highest priority is to organise fewer, better-developed ideas into tighter paragraphs while proofreading sentence structure, agreement and word choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both causes and solutions and develops several relevant ideas, although some claims are overgeneralised or loosely supported.
Prioritise two or three major causes and link each one to a clearly justified, practical solution.
Coherence and Cohesion
The cause-and-solution structure is easy to follow, but long paragraphs, repetition and mechanical linking weaken the flow.
Use focused paragraphs with clear topic sentences and remove repeated points about piracy.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of topic vocabulary, but inaccurate collocations and word forms occur frequently.
Choose more natural combinations such as newly released films and declining attendance, and check spelling carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but fragments, agreement errors and faulty clauses are common.
Proofread each sentence for a complete subject and verb, then correct article, plural and agreement patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is observed in many countries that less and less people nowadays go to the cinema to watch movies. What could be the possible cause and solution of this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.