In recent time economic growth has made some people richer in both developed and developing countries. While studies show that people in developing countries are happier now than before, people in developed countries are no happier than they were before. Why do you think this is and what lessons can be learned from it?
Sample Response
InAt recent years, economic conditions have improvedthe economic conditions have been developed in all countries in the world. However, it seems that developing countries have greater successbetter achievement in increasing their levels of happinessincreasing their happiness indicator than developed countriesrather than developed countries. There are several things that can be learned from this phenomenon and I will try to elaborate on themelaborate them in this essay.
Psychologically, rich countries have achieved their economic peak, marked byeconomic peak describing the massive productivity and superiority in well-established multinational industrieswell-known thrived multinational industries and over timeby the time passed by stagnation occurredthe stagnancy occurred. Dissimilar with it, emerging countries have been trying so hard to pursue the enrollment in economy indicators, and as a result, they achieved them and easily felt happy with the overwhelming results. This is the serious concern for developed countriesdire impact for developed countries because they are afraid ofby the economiceconomy theory stating there will always bethere will be always a victim in economic competition.
Apart from that, developing countries have been thriving so fast by fixing their government expenditure, increasing and improving the environment of local businesses which drive the huge number of investments. As a resultAs results, there is upward growthup-going growth in employment indicators and an improvement in individual spending because they have income from abundant employment opportunitiesrevenues by huge working opportunities. These happen in China, Brazil, Indonesia, and India. Meanwhile, developed countries such as Americacountries such America, Japan, and industrialised European countriesEuropean Industrial Countries have maximised the useusage of their resources so they are encouraged to develop their factories overseas by outsourcing the workers from local developing countries which give benefits for poor countries in many ways.
In conclusion, the theory of “economy cycle” driven by business cycle theory is inevitable arguing that a country who has reached the maximum outcomes in economy, will suffer a daunt fall whether it will be significant or steady is based on the effective efforts by the country.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response presents a recognisable contrast between mature and emerging economies and supports it with discussion of investment, employment, and outsourcing. Its main limitation is that the requested lessons are never clearly identified, while frequent grammatical and collocational problems sometimes obscure the reasoning; the highest priority is to state one or two explicit lessons and develop each in clear, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response explains differing happiness through economic maturity and growth, but the requested lessons remain largely implicit and supporting claims are unevenly developed.
Answer the second question directly by identifying specific lessons and explaining how governments or individuals should apply them.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a discernible paragraph structure and uses linking expressions, although progression becomes strained when loosely connected claims are packed into long sentences.
Give each paragraph one clear controlling idea and connect each supporting sentence explicitly to that idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad economic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision and sometimes clarity.
Prioritise natural combinations such as economic growth, employment opportunities, and a sharp decline instead of forcing unfamiliar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, and clause construction regularly weaken control.
Use shorter complex sentences and systematically check clause boundaries, verb forms, and prepositions before adding further detail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In recent time economic growth has made some people richer in both developed and developing countries. While studies show that people in developing countries are happier now than before, people in developed countries are no happier than they were before. Why do you think this is and what lessons can be learned from it?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.