Some schools agree that fast-food restaurants and supermarkets can promote their products in school and that schools benefit from it. Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
Some schools are of the opinion that they can profit from fast food outlets and supermarkets offering their products in schoolsjust offering their products in schools. In my opinion, this statement has both positive and negative consequences and I tend to believe that it can have both negative and positive effectsaffect both negatively and positively for several reasons.
When fast-food courts and markets offer their food in schools, schools can benefit from them gaining some amount of money investing in school development and creating facilities for schools such as building a gym, new rooms for learning, buying computers, gadgets, refreshing library, gaining new books and hiring qualified teachers for pupils. Indeed, teachersIndeed teachers will naturally teachnaturally will teach them with contemporary and advanced methods as a resultin that case. This investment presumably will promote children’s progress at schoolduring studying in school and apparently they will have a much more competitive advantage overthan other pupils. Furthermore, supermarkets that provide food in schoolssupermarkets providing their foods in schools can advertise their goods, attract new customers and create new jobsworkplaces for people.
Nowadays the majority of fast-food courts and supermarkets offer unhealthy packagedpacked and junk food which is an ever-increasing problem and extremely harmful tofor people. Fast food outlets and supermarkets distributing those kinds of products to schools will presumably affect pupils’ healthpupil’s health generating diseases which will affect their future healthinfluence their health in the future. Hence, the government should define the list of goods which must be distributed to schools and do not contain harmful organisms in foods.
In conclusion, the health of children is the most important considerationthe most important aspect and far-reaching problem. Therefore,, therefore the question of which is more importantthe decision which one is important, the health of children or investment infor children, must be comprehensively discussed.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies relevant financial and health consequences and organises them into a broadly understandable discussion. Its main limitation is that the position remains unresolved: both the introduction and conclusion avoid deciding whether the development is positive or negative. The highest priority is to state a clear overall judgement and support it by explaining why one set of consequences outweighs the other.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both benefits and harms are relevant, but the required overall judgement is unclear and several claims receive limited support.
Choose a definite positive or negative position and compare the significance of the competing consequences throughout the response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear paragraph sequence, although some long sentences and loosely connected claims weaken progression within paragraphs.
Give each paragraph one controlling idea and divide long chains of explanation into clearly linked sentences.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers the topic adequately and shows some range, but inaccurate collocations and repetitive wording reduce precision.
Use more natural combinations such as school funding, unhealthy food, and long-term health consequences, while avoiding repeated nouns.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of sentence forms communicates the main ideas, but agreement, article, possessive, and clause-control errors recur.
Prioritise accurate clause boundaries and check subject-verb agreement, articles, and plural possessives during revision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some schools agree that fast-food restaurants and supermarkets can promote their products in school and that schools benefit from it. Is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.