Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Which one do you agree with? Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
It is generally accepted that we all require leisure time to recover from the stress of workhassle of works and everyday life. There are many ways individuals can spend their spare time. Some people believe that playing ScrabbleFew people believe the playing scrabble or reading a novel in free time is the best approach as it improves the mindprogresses mind, however, others believe that we should give the brain a restgive rest to the brain. This essay will discuss both views and then give my opinionanalyse both views before drawing a conclusion.
On the one hand, people relax by playing sports, watching movies, playing scrabble and so on. They say that these physical and mental activities refresh themserve as a tonic and refresh them to face new challenges. For instance, people who are largely involved in indoor work like computer operators or radar operatorsComputer Operator or Radar Operator spendspent most of their time in front of a computer screen and for them to go outside in fresh air, stretching their muscles, playing sports in spare time could ease the workload and reducecould ease the workloads and reduces mental pressures.
On the other hand, few people believe that it is good to give the mind a rest rather than become involvedgive rest to mind then involving in mind games and other physical activities. They say that taking a power nap, relaxing on a rocking chair or spending some time at the beachspending sometimes at the beach as a silent observer would help them to energise their brain and to remain healthy. For instance, people who are involved in outdoor work like cargo loader, courier delivery and so on prefer to spend their leisure time relaxing on a sofa or bed.
Although the arguments above provide solid evidenceabove look is a solid evidence for both sides of the argument, I personally believe that mental rest is more important for most peopleit should be up to people to decide what is best for them in leisure time that can help them to relax and remain healthy.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response is clearly organised into an introduction, two contrasting body paragraphs, and a conclusion, and its examples make the general discussion understandable. However, the final opinion avoids choosing either position, while several examples drift from mental improvement or rest toward physical activity. State a definite preference and ensure each example directly explains how a leisure activity either develops or rests the mind.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay discusses both views and gives an opinion, but the opinion is weak because it concludes that people should decide for themselves rather than clearly choosing one side. Some examples also drift toward physical activities rather than mental improvement or mental rest.
State whether you personally agree more with improving the mind or resting it, then make every body paragraph connect to that choice.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and the essay moves from introduction to two views and conclusion. Cohesion is basic but workable, although some examples are long and not always tied back to the argument.
End each body paragraph with a sentence that explains how the example supports either mental development or mental rest.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is understandable but often awkward or inaccurate, with phrases such as hassle of works, progresses mind, tonic, and the above look. Topic vocabulary for leisure and mental recovery is limited.
Use natural expressions such as stress of work, improves the mind, mentally refreshing, mental rest, and cognitive activities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Errors with articles, verb forms, prepositions, and sentence structure occur regularly. Meaning is usually clear, but several sentences need rewriting for accuracy.
Check article use before singular nouns and revise verb patterns after believe, prefer, help, and spend.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Which one do you agree with? Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.