Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.

Same questionCompare 6 different answers (Band 5.5–7)

Sample Response

1

The music industry has become increasingly influentialwidespread and prevailing day by dayday-by-day as adults have the exposureawareness to music since their school. But some people holdhave a controversial opinioncontroversial opinion and emphasis that school budgets and teaching time should be allocated onlyschool budget and time should only fix for science and computer subject instead of music. I agree with this argumentI accord to this argument as it is necessary for future progressa prerequisite of time. This essay will analyse both sidesanalyse the both sides of view. To begin with, as this is the age of science and technology and our planet requires greater scientific understandingmore exposure to nature for improving quality of lifemaking life more valid and convenient on it. This goal can only be achieved if we have sufficient scientists, astronomers and marine scientistssea divers etc. Further, students are the future of any nation. By having more science and pupils studying information technologyinformation technology pupil at a school, there will be adequate researchers and engineers in the futurein upcoming days alternatively. Hence, there is a need to build more research and computer labs furnished with advanced equipment in schools. Moreover, the world has been contracted just because of development in information technology. If children haveIf children will have easy access to internet and Microsoft software since their childhood, they will indeed be the Bill Gates of the future. For instance, Arfa Karim (Late) became the youngest Microsoft certified professional at the age of nine. She made her nation proud by getting a prize of performance and the invitation from Bill Gates to visit Microsoft headquartersheadquarter in the United State. In contrast, music has its own place in the empowerment of a region. Some students, who have extraordinary talent in music, may become well- known musicians and directors in future.

2

To sum up, although science and technology are inevitable for the world but schools should retain some music provision while prioritising science and computingthere should always be space for students to learn according to their curiosity.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 5.5

The essay states a position favouring science and computing and supports it with future employment needs, school facilities and one technology example, while briefly acknowledging musical talent. However, the position shifts in the conclusion, the opposing side is barely developed, and frequent language errors make several claims unclear. Establish one consistent stance, balance the reasoning, and revise grammar and collocations throughout.

Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

TR

Task Response

5.5
Scoring rule

The main view is relevant but inconsistently maintained, and the brief counterpoint is not developed.

Next step

Decide whether you agree fully or partly and make every paragraph and the conclusion match that stance.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

5.5
Scoring rule

There is a basic sequence, but the body is one dense paragraph and logical links are sometimes mechanical.

Next step

Use separate paragraphs for science benefits, the value of music and the final judgement.

LR

Lexical Resource

5.5
Scoring rule

Some relevant vocabulary is used, but inaccurate word choice and collocation are frequent.

Next step

Use curriculum, allocate resources, technological literacy and creative development.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

5.0
Scoring rule

Frequent article, agreement, conditional and sentence-structure errors limit control.

Next step

Proofread each clause for a clear subject and finite verb.

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IELTS Writing Task 2

Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.

Your response

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