Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
In efforts to balance global economic growthIn balancing the world economic growth, the underdevelopment of the third world nations has drawn the attention ofhas been drawn to the attention of the developed Western countriesdeveloped countries of the Western. Thus, governmental policies and interference in the agricultural business of the poorer nations were made to secure their dominant source of the economy. Many discussions among economists and politicians also focus onput their focus on the other aspects. That is, to improve the health, education and trade for the developing countries. However, the improvements cannot be made by these countries, but more external assistance and aids should be done. Because of the shortage of food supply, people in poorer regions such as Africathe people in poorer nations (i.e. Africa) are especially vulnerable toare easily prone to disease, hunger and death. When natural or environmental disasters happen, their lives are threatenedthey are threatening with their lives. Education cannot be well developed as a result of frequent droughts, famines and the spread of diseasedisease spreading. The other countries, while emphasisingemphasising on the development of agriculture in the Third World, cannot really provide a solutiongive the solution to the cyclical problem which has existedwhich has been existing for a long time. It is time to consider the consequences of the wasted effortall the waste of efforts in trying to help the economic growth of the Third World and to think from other perspectivesfrom the other perspectives. The richer countries have the power to rebuild the Third World by addressing the essentialstaking care the essentials - health, education and trade. More aidaids for providing the medicine, educational needs and materials can be provideddone by the richer countries. Assistance with trade and business developmentThe assistance of trade and developing business in the poorer countries can also be of great helpalso can be of a great help to the poorer nations. If the richer countries can be more serious about the essential issues of how a nation develops, and well consider the special situations and circumstances those poorer nations are facing, the improvements will be more efficiently made. The governments of developed countries are, in some ways, responsible - though not obliged - for the future of those developing countries.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a generally relevant case that wealthier governments can support poorer nations through health, education, and trade assistance, and it shows a useful range of topic vocabulary. The argument is weakened by limited development, an ambiguous final qualification, and presentation as one dense paragraph. The highest priority is to establish a precise degree of agreement and develop two clearly separated reasons with concrete explanation or examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question and supports greater assistance, but the degree of agreement is not consistently precise and several claims remain general.
Define the exact extent of agreement early and develop each reason with a specific explanation of how richer governments' action would improve outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is an identifiable movement from existing problems to possible assistance, but the single long paragraph and some abrupt transitions weaken organisation.
Divide the argument into an introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, using each paragraph to develop one main reason.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of vocabulary covers development, disasters, aid, and trade, although recurring collocation and word-form errors reduce naturalness.
Improve collocational accuracy with forms such as provide aid, address essential needs, and support trade development.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors with articles, prepositions, passive forms, agreement, and sentence boundaries reduce control.
Build shorter complex sentences around one main clause and systematically check articles, prepositions, and verb forms during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.