The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The three pie charts provide the visual representation of the changes in annual expenditure by a specific UK school in the years 1981in years 1981, 1991 and 2001.
Overall, teachers' salaries accounted for the largest proportion of expenditure in all three yearsproportion of the three pie charts, while insurance reported the smallest shareuptake throughout the years.
In 1981, teachers' salariesteachers and salaries' recorded the highest percentage of expenditure, exactlyexacly 40%, which was followed by other school workers' salaries with 28%. Resource, namely books,books; and furniture and equipment reported similarthe similar proportions, exactly 15% of total spending. Insurance hadhas the smallest segment and accounted for 2% of expenditure.
In 1991, teachers' salaries reported half of the total spending. Other workers' salaries stood at exactly 22%depicted exactly 22% and was closely followed by the money spent on various resources, such as books. FurnitureFurnitue & equipment, andequipment; and insurance had the lowest share of spending, 5% and 3% respectively.
Regarding the year 2001, teachers' salaries led with 45%, which was followed by furniture and equipment at 23%.which was followed by furniture and equipment. Other workers' salaries depicted 15% of overall expenditure. Resources and insurance reported the lowestreported lowest figure, exactlyexatly 9% and 8%.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The report effectively highlights the main features of the pie charts and provides a clear overview of the key trends across the three years. However, its effectiveness is reduced by frequent punctuation errors, spelling mistakes, and repetitive sentence structures. To raise the overall quality, focus on proofreading mechanics and varying data-reporting structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends are clearly identified in an overview, and the key figures for each year are accurately reported with only minor data omissions.
Ensure all key categories mentioned in detail paragraphs include their specific data points, such as the exact percentage for furniture and equipment in 2001.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organized into paragraph chronological sections, making the overall information easy to follow.
Vary cohesive devices beyond basic year headings to create smoother transitions between category comparisons.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is generally adequate for describing data, though there are noticeable spelling slips and repetitive word choices.
Review basic word spelling before submitting and expand vocabulary for introducing percentages to avoid repeating terms like 'depicted' and 'reported'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex sentence forms is used, but punctuation errors and occasional grammatical lapses occur.
Eliminate inappropriate semicolon usage and ensure subject-verb agreement when combining clauses with multiple verbs.