In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Sample Response
It is a popular choice for young students in some countries to travel for a year who haveis just graduated from high school and ready for university. From my perspective, it is a precious opportunity for secondary school students to engagecontact with society in advance. But it may also undermineundermines their enthusiasm in futher university study. On the one handIn one hand, it has undoubtful advantages for students to spend one year working or travelling to broaden their horizonsbroden their horizens. For a long time of learning in classroom, students should be given a chance to practice their knowledge in reality. It can not only assist them to get in touch with the job-related skills which may be beneficial for their future university study. But also make the youth more independent so that they can confront more adversityconfront with more adversity in future. For example, many famous foundersfunders of successful companies like NVIDIA and AppleNVDIA’s and Apple’s have a similar past of working in societythat work in society before university study. On the other handBut in another hand, one year’s gap may also cause some problemscauses some questions. one of the most influentialinfluencial consequences is that it may make young students lost in society. It means that judgement and self-controlling capacities for young age are notnont fully formed. When they face various kinds of misleading things, they may lose their original aspirations and directions. It may influence their futher study passion in university. Others may also commit a crime in negative environmentsin a bad surrounding. In my opinion ,we should find the reasons that we have one year’s gap and have a clear self-awarenessclear recognition of ourselves. If we can keep on walking the path we chose beforewalking path we choose before ,this experience can be a great helpgreat assistant. Meanwhile, if we think we cannot control ourselves well. We should change our mind to find other choices. In conclusion, this is not an either-or question,if we can put this time to good usetake these time to good use, this will help us as lot in future study process.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay addresses both the benefits and drawbacks of taking a gap year, offering relevant examples and a clear overall stance. However, weak cohesion markers and frequent grammatical and spelling errors reduce the essay's clarity. To improve, focus on eliminating basic language mistakes and refining paragraph transitions for a smoother logical flow.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response covers both advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, though some supporting points are developed in a somewhat general manner.
Elaborate more deeply on how practical work or travel experiences directly prepare students for academic success in higher education.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a basic paragraph structure, but cohesive devices are used inaccurately or mechanically throughout.
Replace faulty transitional phrases such as 'In one hand' and 'in another hand' with standard cohesive devices like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
Lexical Resource
An attempt to use a varied vocabulary is present, but frequent spelling mistakes and improper word choices lower precision.
Review common academic vocabulary and check spelling carefully for words like 'broaden', 'horizons', and 'influential'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence structures show some variety, but recurring grammatical errors in agreement, relative clauses, and punctuation impair readability.
Practice correct subject-verb agreement and relative pronoun usage, avoiding sentence fragments starting with conjunctions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.