In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Sample Response
Men have been experimenting all the probable ways to lead a better life. In such a way, teenagers are allowed to explore the world before starting their tertiary education either through job or travelling. Both the advantages and disadvantages will be discussed before a reasonable conclusion is found.
A break period after secondary school has been proven to be beneficiary for the youngsters. Initially, by visiting places, individuals will be exposed to diverse cultures, traditions and a wide variety of people and these visits are helpful to attain social knowledge. It aids in their higher studies; for instance, in conducting thesis related to community. Next, prior working experience will be added as a good point, as it prepares them for work. Moreover, many companies prefer experienced staff members.
However, there are few drawbacks in sending them for work or tour. Education process will be disrupted. As a result, the students may not show interest towards higher studies while a few of them continue to work in the same sector. As youngsters start to earn money through work, they may incline towards bad habits such as smoking, alcohol consumption, drug addiction and so on. Lastly, making a trip will for a long period may affect their financial status if they run out of money which may indulge in debts.
Overall, it is apparent that although there are few benefits of encouraging youth to work or travel, the disadvantages are outweighed. Hence, I opine that young people should have continuation in their studies to prosper in life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use inclusive reference Original: Men Suggested revision: People Why it matters: The general claim concerns people rather than only adult males.
- 2. Fix verb and object Original: experimenting all the probable ways Suggested revision: exploring all possible ways Why it matters: 'Explore' can take this direct object, whereas 'experiment' would require a different construction.
- 3. Use relevant transition Original: In such a way Suggested revision: In this context Why it matters: The original linker does not express a clear relationship with the preceding general statement.
- 4. Use parallel nouns Original: either through job or travelling Suggested revision: either through work or travel Why it matters: The paired alternatives need parallel uncountable noun forms.
- 5. Use adjective form Original: beneficiary Suggested revision: beneficial Why it matters: 'Beneficial' is the adjective meaning advantageous; 'beneficiary' is a person who receives a benefit.
- 6. Use formal reference Original: the youngsters Suggested revision: young people Why it matters: 'Young people' is the more neutral academic term in this context.
- 7. Use standard collocation Original: working Suggested revision: work Why it matters: 'Work experience' is the conventional noun phrase.
- 8. State the advantage clearly Original: will be added as a good point Suggested revision: will be an advantage Why it matters: The original phrase is not an idiomatic way to describe a benefit.
- 9. Add quantity article Original: there are few drawbacks Suggested revision: there are a few drawbacks Why it matters: 'A few' means some, while 'few' alone implies almost none and conflicts with the examples that follow.
- 10. Use parallel gerunds Original: sending them for work or tour Suggested revision: encouraging them to work or travel Why it matters: The revision supplies natural, parallel verb forms for the two options.
- 11. Add definite article Original: Education process Suggested revision: The education process Why it matters: This singular countable noun phrase requires a determiner.
- 12. Use correct preposition Original: interest towards higher studies Suggested revision: interest in higher education Why it matters: The standard collocation is 'interest in', and 'higher education' is the natural term.
Suggested Rewrites
- Men People
- experimenting all the probable ways exploring all possible ways
- In such a way In this context
- either through job or travelling either through work or travel
- beneficiary beneficial
- the youngsters young people
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both advantages and disadvantages, maintains a clear overall view, and uses a conventional structure that makes the discussion easy to follow. However, several claims are asserted briefly or overgeneralised, and frequent unnatural wording and grammatical errors reduce precision. The most important improvement is to develop fewer points with clearer cause-and-effect explanation and specific, credible support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides are addressed and a position is stated, but several ideas are only briefly explained or rely on broad assumptions.
Select the strongest advantage and disadvantage and extend each with a clear explanation and a realistic example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, although cohesive devices are sometimes mechanical and some supporting sentences connect loosely.
Build each body paragraph around one controlling idea and use logical links that show the precise relationship between sentences.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary range is adequate for the topic, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations make expression unnatural.
Practise natural phrases for gap years, gaining experience, resuming studies, and financial difficulty instead of relying on approximate synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms is attempted, but errors in articles, verb patterns, agreement, and clause construction occur frequently.
Prioritise accurate sentence frames and edit each complex sentence for a clear subject-verb relationship and correct verb form.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.