People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Success is the ultimate goal of everyone. All of us are doing our best to achieve success in different fields of life as work and study. People try to achieve success through many ways; some of them are hard workers, they depend on their efforts to gain success. Others are relying on their relations with important or authorised persons to reach their goals. In addition to the previous, there is a category of lucky people where luck plays important role in their lives and helps them very much. Luck, in my opinion, has a great effects on the people's life, as it can shift their ways into different directions that may change their lives completely to the better, for example: Lionel Messi, the most famous football player in the world, was a son of very poor family in Argentina and suffered from a medical problem while he was children related to his growth and bone formation. The luck leads a scout of one of the biggest football club in Spain to see his skills while he was playing in his area's street in Argentina and presented him to the club, where he obtained the due care and now Lionel Messi is may be the most famous person in the world. Beside of that, luck and coincidence can serve humanity in a positive way, no one can deny the role of luck in the story of Newton and the apple which lead after that to discover the gravity rules. I tend to see that, hard working is the first step of success and it is a mandatory thing, but also luck is very important. So, from my point of view, I think they are complementing each other. Last but not least, It should not be left unmentioned that success is the normal result of working hard and one should not only depend on his/her luck for a long time to achieve success because it may not work for many times.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unnatural phrase Original: as work and study Suggested revision: such as work and study Why it matters: Such as introduces examples more naturally.
- 2. Comma splice Original: some of them are hard workers, they depend Suggested revision: some of them are hard workers who depend Why it matters: Two independent clauses should not be joined only by a comma.
- 3. Tense choice Original: are relying Suggested revision: rely Why it matters: The simple present better describes a general habit or fact.
- 4. Natural wording Original: relations with important or authorised persons Suggested revision: connections with influential people Why it matters: This is a more natural expression for personal networks.
- 5. Missing article Original: luck plays important role Suggested revision: luck plays an important role Why it matters: Role is a singular countable noun here and needs an article.
- 6. Number agreement Original: a great effects Suggested revision: a great effect Why it matters: The article a requires a singular noun.
- 7. Wrong phrase Original: to the better Suggested revision: for the better Why it matters: For the better is the fixed expression.
- 8. Articles missing Original: was a son of very poor family Suggested revision: was the son of a very poor family Why it matters: Both son and family need appropriate articles.
- 9. Singular form Original: while he was children Suggested revision: when he was a child Why it matters: He is singular, so use child, not children.
- 10. Plural noun Original: one of the biggest football club Suggested revision: one of the biggest football clubs Why it matters: One of the requires a plural noun after it.
- 11. Wrong connector Original: Beside of that Suggested revision: Besides that Why it matters: Besides that is the correct linking phrase.
- 12. Verb and structure Original: which lead after that to discover Suggested revision: which later led to the discovery of Why it matters: Use past tense led and a noun phrase after to.
Suggested Rewrites
- as work and study such as work and study
- some of them are hard workers, they depend some of them are hard workers who depend
- are relying rely
- relations with important or authorised persons connections with influential people
- luck plays important role luck plays an important role
- a great effects a great effect
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The answer gives a clear view that hard work and luck both matter and includes relevant examples, but the response partly drifts into storytelling and does not fully test the absolute claim that luck has nothing to do with success.
State your disagreement more directly and use one paragraph for hard work and one for luck, with each example tied back to the claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is written as one long paragraph, so progression is difficult to follow despite some logical movement between ideas.
Divide the essay into an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, each with a clear controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and sometimes topic-appropriate, but there are repeated words and several inaccurate collocations.
Use precise phrases such as plays an important role, strong connections, and complements hard work.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a mix of simple and complex grammar, but frequent agreement, article, and sentence-boundary errors reduce control.
Break long sentences into shorter ones and check subject-verb agreement and singular/plural forms.