People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Every person wants to be successful in life. They have been trying their best, studying or working hard to reach what they wish for. Some people believe that success is about hard work. They argue that luck does not have a part in this case. People succeed depend on how big their effort to get what they want, not about fortune. But I disagree with the opinion because I think that success is about effort, pray, and luck. There are many things that people do for being successful in life, especially in their careers. They spend the time to work as hard as they can and as much as they are able. Success becomes their goal so they push their selves to get that. Successful people in this world are them who always are responsible, honest, hardworking, and lucky. Sometimes people feel very confident and they just focus on their effort. They are too busy trying their best to achieve something so they forget that there is an important thing besides an effort: that is luck. I do not want to say that hard work is not important, but I believe that luck influences the result of our effort. For instance, occasionally people have tried their best for doing something but in the end, they do not get what they want. Many people forget that the biggest power in this universe is God, not themselves. Furthermore, thinking that hard work is the only thing to be success sounds not wise. There were few people fail to reach their dreams although they have worked hard for it. They have spent much of their time to try their best. But who knows, they get something which is not expecting. Is because of luck? Maybe yes because the effort is not enough to be successful. We need luck and definitely, we need God. In conclusion, I believe that success is not only about how hard we try but also our luck. Every human has their own luck and their own fate but they have to still try. People should respect the process, not just the result. What happens in future will depend on our effort and the blessing of the Almighty.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Tense choice Original: They have been trying their best Suggested revision: They try their best Why it matters: The simple present is more natural for a general statement.
- 2. Natural phrase Original: luck does not have a part Suggested revision: luck plays no part Why it matters: Play a part is the usual collocation.
- 3. Clause structure Original: People succeed depend on Suggested revision: People's success depends on Why it matters: The original combines two verb patterns incorrectly.
- 4. Natural collocation Original: how big their effort Suggested revision: how much effort they make Why it matters: Effort is described with much or amount, not big.
- 5. Word choice Original: not about fortune Suggested revision: not on fortune Why it matters: Depend on fortune is the more natural relationship.
- 6. Noun form Original: effort, pray, and luck Suggested revision: effort, prayer, and luck Why it matters: Pray is a verb; prayer is the noun that matches effort and luck.
- 7. Purpose phrase Original: for being successful Suggested revision: to become successful Why it matters: The infinitive form is more natural for purpose.
- 8. Collocation Original: spend the time to work Suggested revision: spend time working Why it matters: Spend time is followed by an -ing form.
- 9. Reflexive pronoun Original: their selves Suggested revision: themselves Why it matters: The correct reflexive pronoun is one word.
- 10. Pronoun and order Original: them who always are responsible Suggested revision: those who are always responsible Why it matters: Use those who for people and place always after are.
- 11. Smoother link Original: besides an effort: that is luck Suggested revision: besides effort: luck Why it matters: The shorter phrasing links the point more clearly.
- 12. Verb pattern Original: for doing something Suggested revision: to do something Why it matters: Try their best is usually followed by an infinitive.
Suggested Rewrites
- They have been trying their best They try their best
- luck does not have a part luck plays no part
- People succeed depend on People's success depends on
- how big their effort how much effort they make
- not about fortune not on fortune
- effort, pray, and luck effort, prayer, and luck
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives a clear disagreement and explains that effort, prayer, and luck all affect success, but the reasoning is repetitive and the examples remain general.
Develop one concrete example of hard work failing without opportunity or timing, then explain exactly how that shows luck matters.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is understandable, but it is presented as one long paragraph with repeated ideas about trying hard, luck, and God, so progression is limited.
Use separate paragraphs for your position, the role of effort, the role of luck, and a balanced conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic, but there are frequent word-choice and word-form problems such as pray, them who, and to be success.
Learn fixed phrases for this topic: achieve success, make an effort, depend on luck, and succeed through hard work.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence meaning is usually recoverable, but grammatical errors are frequent in dependent clauses, verb forms, pronouns, and sentence fragments.
Revise clauses with depend on, because, although, and which, and make sure each sentence has a complete subject and verb.