As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?
Sample Response
In today's modern world, most people spend the majority of their life working. Therefore, some people assert that job satisfaction plays an important role in moulding a wellbeing individual. In this essay, we will examine what are the factors that lead to job satisfaction and how realistic is the demand for job satisfaction for all the employees.
There are several main points that contribute to job satisfaction. To begin, a high salary is, undoubtedly, the key factor towards job satisfaction. People nowadays are becoming more status-conscious and materialistic which lead them to the desires of buying things including the most up-to-date electronic gadgets for men and trendy handbags, shoes and dresses for women. It is due to the reason that they may want to get self-satisfaction after spending their precious time working for a company. However, a high paid job is not always available and it is nearly impossible to offer it to all the workers owing to the reason that the profit of a company made may not be able to cover all the expenditure of a company.
In addition, a good welfare system of an organisation is, admittedly, the major concern of the employees. If every company is able to guarantee to pay the retirees a huge amount of pension, it will unquestionably allow every employee to get satisfied with their jobs. With the well-organised welfare system, every retired will not be a burden to their family, in return, they still can help to support their family financially. Nevertheless, it is not provided by every company to pay pensions to every retired of their company as they may not have extra money as they have to make preparations for the unanticipated financial problems of their company.
In conclusion, although there are numerous factors that contribute to one's job satisfaction, not all companies are able to fulfil their employees' demands. I believe that every individual can get satisfied with their jobs one day in the near future as long as our nation continues to prosper and flourish.
[ Essay by - Lee Wing Qeen ]
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove time redundancy Original: today's modern world Suggested revision: today's world Why it matters: “Today's” already expresses modernity, so “modern” is redundant.
- 2. Match plural possessors Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural subject refers to the separate lives of multiple people.
- 3. Fix well-being phrase Original: moulding a wellbeing individual Suggested revision: promoting individual well-being Why it matters: The original uses “wellbeing” incorrectly as an adjective and an unnatural verb-object combination.
- 4. Name contributing factors Original: points Suggested revision: factors Why it matters: “Factors” precisely identifies causes of job satisfaction.
- 5. Complete transition phrase Original: To begin, Suggested revision: To begin with, Why it matters: The conventional linking phrase requires “with.”
- 6. Fix factor preposition Original: is, undoubtedly, the key factor towards Suggested revision: is undoubtedly a key factor in Why it matters: “A factor in” is the correct collocation, and the commas unnecessarily interrupt the phrase.
- 7. Use concise cause link Original: It is due to the reason that Suggested revision: This is because Why it matters: The replacement states the causal connection directly and avoids a wordy construction.
- 8. Fix satisfaction collocation Original: get self-satisfaction Suggested revision: gain a sense of satisfaction Why it matters: People “gain a sense of satisfaction”; “get self-satisfaction” is unnatural here.
- 9. Use neutral wording Original: their precious time working Suggested revision: their time working Why it matters: “Precious” is unnecessary and overly emotive in this explanation.
- 10. Simplify reason phrase Original: owing to the reason that Suggested revision: because Why it matters: The single conjunction expresses the causal relationship clearly and concisely.
- 11. Fix relative structure Original: the profit of a company made Suggested revision: the profit a company makes Why it matters: The active relative structure correctly links the company with the profit it earns.
- 12. Use expense collocation Original: all the expenditure of a company Suggested revision: all of a company's expenses Why it matters: The plural “expenses” is natural for a company's different costs.
Suggested Rewrites
- today's modern world today's world
- life lives
- moulding a wellbeing individual promoting individual well-being
- points factors
- To begin, To begin with,
- is, undoubtedly, the key factor towards is undoubtedly a key factor in
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay addresses both questions through two relevant factors and links each one to the financial limits employers face. Its main weakness is a narrow, repetitive treatment of satisfaction, followed by a conclusion that shifts from present-day limits to unsupported future optimism. Prioritise a consistent judgement about universal satisfaction and develop a broader factor such as meaningful work or supportive management.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Salary and employee welfare are relevant factors, and practical limits are discussed, but development is narrow and the final prediction is insufficiently supported.
Add a non-financial factor and give a consistent answer explaining why complete job satisfaction for every worker is or is not realistic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is clearly paragraphed and progresses from salary to welfare and feasibility, although ideas within paragraphs are sometimes repetitive.
Use one focused explanation and one consequence for each factor, then make the conclusion follow directly from those findings.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate vocabulary for employment, finance, and welfare, but repeated wording and awkward collocations reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as 'promote individual wellbeing', 'well-paid work', 'employee benefits', and 'retirees'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors in agreement, noun phrases, pronouns, and clause construction reduce control.
Correct indirect-question word order and check agreement carefully, especially in clauses about employees, companies, and retirees.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.