It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Many artists or football players claim that their talent is of genetic origin. They did not have to learn music or sport to become that talented. Having said that, a growing number of people believe that any child can be the best chess player or the fastest swimmer in the world as long as he receives the right teaching and proper direction. In this essay, I will look at both sides of the argument and give my opinion.
First and foremost, many believe that any child can be a genius one. It is only about how much his parents are paying attention to his needs and what do they do to develop these hobbies. For example, a psychology professor agreed with his wife to raise their children as the books of development and psychology say, and now their daughter is the second best chess player in the world.
In my view, it all starts from home when a mother tries to show her baby various options and different areas of play. Therefore, he will identify the available components around him and try to discover his own interests. As the children grow up, they need continuous support and encouragement to keep his certain hobby, such as music, more developed. This will not happen without professional help to have the famous talented artist at the end. On the contrary, there is a common belief that many celebrities are famous because they were born with specific talents not because they were taught to practice these talents.
To sum up, I strongly believe that either born talented or not, any person can be whatever he wants only by the continuous hard work and practice, not by genetics.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural wording Original: talent is of genetic origin Suggested revision: talent is innate Why it matters: This is shorter and more natural.
- 2. Parallel noun Original: sport Suggested revision: sports Why it matters: Use plural "sports" when speaking generally.
- 3. Inclusive reference Original: as long as he receives Suggested revision: as long as they receive Why it matters: Use a neutral plural pronoun for any child.
- 4. Wrong phrase Original: genius one Suggested revision: genius Why it matters: Do not add "one" after this noun.
- 5. Embedded question order Original: what do they do Suggested revision: what they do Why it matters: Use statement word order in an embedded question.
- 6. Natural wording Original: the books of development and psychology Suggested revision: books on child development and psychology Why it matters: This is clearer and more idiomatic.
- 7. Premature opinion Original: In my view Suggested revision: Supporters of training argue that Why it matters: This paragraph is still developing the training view, so the topic sentence should match it.
- 8. General reference Original: As the children grow up Suggested revision: As children grow up Why it matters: No article is needed for children in general.
- 9. Pronoun agreement Original: keep his certain hobby Suggested revision: keep their chosen hobby Why it matters: Use plural agreement and a natural adjective.
- 10. Over-specific wording Original: famous talented artist Suggested revision: highly skilled performer Why it matters: The task includes sport and music, so a broader phrase fits better.
- 11. Incorrect connector Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: However Why it matters: This sentence introduces the other view, not a direct contradiction of the previous sentence.
- 12. Missing comma Original: specific talents not because Suggested revision: specific talents, not because Why it matters: A comma helps separate the contrast.
Suggested Rewrites
- talent is of genetic origin talent is innate
- sport sports
- as long as he receives as long as they receive
- genius one genius
- what do they do what they do
- the books of development and psychology books on child development and psychology
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses teaching and gives an opinion, but the view that talent is innate receives limited development and appears late.
Give one full body paragraph to each view before presenting your own judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs, but paragraph three combines your opinion with the opposing view, which blurs progression.
Separate discussion of the two views and use topic sentences that match the task.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate, though some collocations are unnatural and a few phrases are too absolute.
Use more precise terms such as "innate ability", "coaching", "practice", and "training environment".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, but question-word order, pronoun agreement, and article use are inconsistent.
Review embedded questions and keep pronouns consistent when referring to children in general.