Many people think that increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve the public health. Others, however, say that this is not an effective way of improving the public health and other measures should be taken. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
In today's modern world, the cases of people who are facing health related problems are increasing dramatically. Hence, there are numerous people who assert that it is crucial for the government to increase the number of sports facilities in order to tackle this problem. However, some people are of the opinion that other effective ways are needed as sports facilities would have a minimum impact on their health. In this essay, we will examine both sides of the arguments before reaching a reasonable conclusion.
Undoubtedly, there is a direct link between the increase in the number of sports facilities and the public health. To begin, people are being offered a valuable opportunity to do more exercises. Nowadays, the sports facilities are too expensive and are not affordable by an individual with low income. Thus, the provided sports facilities will definitely give them a chance to keep fit without the need of spending a huge chunk of money to buy sports equipment. According to a recent research, the weight of a person will decline for about 5kg in 3 week time if they do exercise regularly, for example, 30 minutes a day. As a result, health-related problems like obesity and high blood pressure can be avoided.
Nevertheless, in the twenty-first century, people focus solely on their works which cause them to have very limited time to do exercise. Thus, the increasing number of sports facilities may have little or no effect on their health as they do not access to them frequently. Other measures which could prove useful in curbing this health problem are, therefore, required. One of the effective measures is increasing the number of health care units which allows the city inhabitants to seek for guidance and to have a body checkup regularly. A study has shown that people these days are more rely on figures on their medical checkup reports to help them to maintain good health. For example, doctors will advise their patients to reduce the intake of glucose-rich food if they are diabetic patients. The following preventive measures are that government should organise more campaigns which promote the importance of having a healthy body. Once the public realises the negative impacts of health problems have in their lives, they may probably pick up the good habits to maintain good health.
In conclusion, sports facilities are, admittedly, opening up an avenue for the public to do more exercises, however, I believe there are more useful preventive measures that can be taken to improve our health. Our nation will continue to prosper and flourish if every citizen owns a healthy body which allows them to contribute endlessly to the society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: today's modern world Suggested revision: today's world Why it matters: “Today’s” already conveys that the world is modern.
- 2. Use natural noun phrase Original: cases Suggested revision: number Why it matters: People are counted by number, whereas “cases of people” is unnatural.
- 3. Use correct collocation Original: minimum Suggested revision: minimal Why it matters: “Minimal impact” is the standard expression for a very small effect.
- 4. Use singular argument Original: arguments Suggested revision: argument Why it matters: One debated issue has two opposing sides.
- 5. Remove unnecessary article Original: and the public health Suggested revision: and public health Why it matters: “Public health” is an uncountable general concept here.
- 6. Use uncountable noun Original: exercises Suggested revision: exercise Why it matters: “Exercise” is uncountable when referring generally to physical activity.
- 7. Remove general article Original: the sports facilities are Suggested revision: sports facilities are Why it matters: A plural noun used generally does not take “the.”
- 8. Add article Original: an individual with low income Suggested revision: an individual with a low income Why it matters: The singular count noun “income” needs an article in this phrase.
- 9. Correct preposition Original: without the need of spending Suggested revision: without the need to spend Why it matters: The conventional construction is “the need to” followed by an infinitive.
- 10. Remove article Original: According to a recent research Suggested revision: According to recent research Why it matters: “Research” is uncountable and cannot take “a” in this use.
- 11. Correct change preposition Original: for about 5kg Suggested revision: by about 5 kg Why it matters: Use “by” to state the amount of a decrease.
- 12. Fix plural possessive Original: in 3 week time Suggested revision: in three weeks' time Why it matters: A duration before “time” requires the plural possessive form.
Suggested Rewrites
- today's modern world today's world
- cases number
- minimum minimal
- arguments argument
- and the public health and public health
- exercises exercise
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response discusses both positions in depth, offers several relevant preventive alternatives, and reaches a clear opinion within a well-organized argument. Its main weakness is that some support is implausibly specific or insufficiently qualified, while recurring grammatical and collocational errors reduce polish. Prioritize stating the preferred position earlier, using credible causal reasoning, and editing sentence-level accuracy so the developed ideas are expressed more convincingly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are developed with relevant explanations and examples, and the conclusion gives a clear preference for broader preventive measures, though some evidence is questionable.
State the opinion in the introduction and replace unsupported statistics with a realistic explanation of how access, education, and preventive care affect behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a balanced four-paragraph structure, and cohesive devices generally make the relationship between arguments clear.
Reduce formulaic signposting and strengthen the internal sequence of the alternatives paragraph by grouping health checks and public campaigns as distinct measures.
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary covers facilities, prevention, health care, and public behaviour, but inaccurate collocations and word forms recur.
Use natural combinations such as exercise, low-income individuals, three weeks, access facilities, rely on results, and adopt healthy habits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied simple and complex structures, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, countability, verb patterns, and clause construction remain noticeable.
Proofread each complex sentence for subject-verb agreement and complete verb patterns, especially after allow, access, rely, and cause.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people think that increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve the public health. Others, however, say that this is not an effective way of improving the public health and other measures should be taken. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.