Many people think that increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve the public health. Others, however, say that this is not an effective way of improving the public health and other measures should be taken. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
In today's worldtoday's modern world, the numbercases of people who are facing health related problems are increasing dramatically. Hence, there are numerous people who assert that it is crucial for the government to increase the number of sports facilities in order to tackle this problem. However, some people are of the opinion that other effective ways are needed as sports facilities would have a minimalminimum impact on their health. In this essay, we will examine both sides of the argumentarguments before reaching a reasonable conclusion.
Undoubtedly, there is a direct link between the increase in the number of sports facilities and public healthand the public health. To begin, people are being offered a valuable opportunity to do more exerciseexercises. Nowadays, sports facilities arethe sports facilities are too expensive and are not affordable by an individual with a low incomean individual with low income. Thus, the provided sports facilities will definitely give them a chance to keep fit without the need to spendwithout the need of spending a huge chunk of money to buy sports equipment. According to recent researchAccording to a recent research, the weight of a person will decline by about 5 kgfor about 5kg in three weeks' timein 3 week time if they do exercise regularly, for example, 30 minutes a day. As a result, health-related problems like obesity and high blood pressure can be avoided.
Nevertheless, in the twenty-first century, people focus solely on their workworks which causescause them to have very limited time to do exercise. Thus, the increasing number of sports facilities may have little or no effect on their health as they do not access themdo not access to them frequently. Other measures which could prove useful in curbing this health problem are, therefore, required. One of the effective measures is increasing the number of health care units which allowallows the city inhabitants to seek guidanceseek for guidance and to have a body checkup regularly. A study has shown that people these days rely more onare more rely on figures on their medical checkup reports to help them to maintain good health. For example, doctors will advise their patients to reduce the intake of glucose-rich food if they are diabetic patients. Another preventive measure is that the government shouldThe following preventive measures are that government should organise more campaigns which promote the importance of having a healthy body. Once the public realises the negative impacts thatof health problems have in their lives, they may probably pick up the good habits to maintain good health.
In conclusion, sports facilities are, admittedly, opening up an avenue for the public to do more exercises, however, I believe there are more useful preventive measures that can be taken to improve our health. Our nation will continue to prosper and flourish if every citizen owns a healthy body which allows them to contribute endlessly to the society.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response discusses both positions in depth, offers several relevant preventive alternatives, and reaches a clear opinion within a well-organized argument. Its main weakness is that some support is implausibly specific or insufficiently qualified, while recurring grammatical and collocational errors reduce polish. Prioritize stating the preferred position earlier, using credible causal reasoning, and editing sentence-level accuracy so the developed ideas are expressed more convincingly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are developed with relevant explanations and examples, and the conclusion gives a clear preference for broader preventive measures, though some evidence is questionable.
State the opinion in the introduction and replace unsupported statistics with a realistic explanation of how access, education, and preventive care affect behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a balanced four-paragraph structure, and cohesive devices generally make the relationship between arguments clear.
Reduce formulaic signposting and strengthen the internal sequence of the alternatives paragraph by grouping health checks and public campaigns as distinct measures.
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary covers facilities, prevention, health care, and public behaviour, but inaccurate collocations and word forms recur.
Use natural combinations such as exercise, low-income individuals, three weeks, access facilities, rely on results, and adopt healthy habits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied simple and complex structures, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, countability, verb patterns, and clause construction remain noticeable.
Proofread each complex sentence for subject-verb agreement and complete verb patterns, especially after allow, access, rely, and cause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people think that increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve the public health. Others, however, say that this is not an effective way of improving the public health and other measures should be taken. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.