Many people think that increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve the public health. Others, however, say that this is not an effective way of improving the public health and other measures should be taken. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
In our modern society, the question of how to improvethe question how to improve public health has been widely discussed. A fair proportionportion of people believebelieves that increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve public health, while others hold the opposite point of view. As for me, I believe that increasing the number of sports facilities and improving medical care are both importantincreasing number of sports facilities and medical care are both important to improve public health.
First, more sports facilities, such as gyms and football pitchessuch as gym and football playground, can greatly improve public healthoffer the great improvement of public health. Nowadays, we have greater pressure from work, daily life and even relationshipsmore pressure from work, life and even relationship, so exercising isdoing exercise becomes a good way to relax. For example, the Pure and California Fitness gymsgyms of Pure and California Fitness have already been establishedhave already placed in many areas. The recently published data shows that, in HongKong, an increasing number of businesspeopleincreasing number of businessmen prefer to go to the gym after work, which can definitely improve public health. Therefore, more and more sports facilities can improve public health.
Second, people should pay more attention to medical care, which is another importantimport way to improve public health. In my hometown, for instance, the government made a new policy in 2014, which was to encourage people, especially elderly people, to have a health checkdo the body check at least once a year. The government would pay half the feepay the half fee for the health checkfor body check for all citizens. This policy enables more and more people to preventmakes more and more people can prevent serious diseasesdisease in the early stage. The medical care provided by our governmentMedical care set by our government improves public health effectivelyefficiently. In this case, another perfect way is to pay more attention to medical care.
In my opinion, it is impossible to say that there is only one way to improve public health. We should work both on increasing numbers of sports facilities and setting up more public healthcare servicesmedical cares for public. Both of the ways can keep us healthy and away from getting bad diseases.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a clear position, relevant paragraphing, and a straightforward discussion of sports facilities and medical care. Its main limitation is that the ideas are repetitive and only moderately developed, while frequent errors in articles, agreement, and collocation reduce precision. The highest priority is to extend each argument with a more clearly explained cause-and-effect chain while proofreading noun forms and sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's opinion are addressed, but the supporting ideas remain somewhat repetitive and unevenly developed.
Develop each view through a distinct explanation of how the proposed measure changes health outcomes rather than restating that it improves health.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly through an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, although linking is repetitive and occasionally mechanical.
Use more varied internal progression within paragraphs and remove repeated concluding statements that add no new point.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient for the topic and includes some less common terms, but inaccurate word choice and collocation occur regularly.
Replace awkward phrases such as references to medical cares and bad diseases with precise, natural health-related collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the message, but frequent article, agreement, plural, and clause-construction errors weaken control.
Prioritise accurate noun phrases and verb patterns, especially articles, countable plurals, and structures following verbs such as make and prevent.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people think that increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve the public health. Others, however, say that this is not an effective way of improving the public health and other measures should be taken. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.