Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
While some argue that building more sports facilities is the best possible method of improving public health, others believe that this approach is not very effective, and other actions are needed. I agree with the latter opinion as although doing sports plays a key role in leading a healthy way of life, mass educational activities about different ways of health improvement are a better option because they can target more people. On the one hand, doing sports influences people’s health and well-being enormously. Not only does it make us stronger and more resilient, but it also trains our cardiovascular systems and, thus, reduces the chances to die earlier than we could have. In contrast, those who lead a sedentary lifestyle deprive themselves of these benefits. Hence, the more sports facilities will be available to the public, the more people could do sports and, thus, stay healthy. However, I do not agree that this is the best way to improve public health as the majority of people either just do not want to or can not go in for sports because of different reasons. On the other hand, informing and educating people about different ways of improving their health is a foundation of health and well-being. If people knew the consequences of drinking too much alcohol and why they need to eat healthy food and avoid ultra-processed food, for example, then they would take a more sensible approach to their health and would have more motivation. Hence, I am convinced that this approach is much better than just opening more sports facilities as it targets all people and not just a small part of them. To conclude, although opening more sports facilities will make some people healthier, I believe that educating people is more important as it will target more people overall.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix clause linkage Original: as Suggested revision: because Why it matters: Because correctly introduces the reason containing the concessive although clause.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: different ways of health improvement Suggested revision: different ways to improve health Why it matters: The infinitive phrase is more natural and direct than the abstract noun construction.
- 3. Strengthen health collocation Original: doing sports influences Suggested revision: exercise improves Why it matters: Exercise improves expresses the positive health effect more precisely.
- 4. Use precise verb Original: trains Suggested revision: strengthens Why it matters: Strengthens is the more precise verb for the physical effect described.
- 5. Fix noun complement Original: chances to die earlier than we could have Suggested revision: risk of premature death Why it matters: Risk takes an of-complement and expresses the intended idea concisely.
- 6. Fix comparative structure Original: the more sports facilities will be available Suggested revision: the more sports facilities are available Why it matters: This correlative comparative requires present tense rather than will in the first clause.
- 7. Match conditional meaning Original: the more people could do sports Suggested revision: the more people can exercise Why it matters: Can matches the general present-time relationship established in the first clause.
- 8. Use standard formal phrasing Original: can not go in for sports Suggested revision: cannot participate in sport Why it matters: The revision corrects the closed form cannot and uses a clearer academic expression.
- 9. Use concise phrasing Original: because of different reasons Suggested revision: for various reasons Why it matters: For various reasons is the natural concise expression.
- 10. Clarify relationship Original: is a foundation of health and well-being Suggested revision: is fundamental to health and well-being Why it matters: Fundamental to states the relationship more naturally than is a foundation of.
- 11. Use precise policy term Original: mass educational activities Suggested revision: large-scale health education campaigns Why it matters: The revision names the proposed public-health measure more precisely.
- 12. Use measured emphasis Original: enormously Suggested revision: substantially Why it matters: Substantially is a more measured academic adverb for the claimed effect.
Suggested Rewrites
- as because
- different ways of health improvement different ways to improve health
- doing sports influences exercise improves
- trains strengthens
- chances to die earlier than we could have risk of premature death
- the more sports facilities will be available the more sports facilities are available
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its direct treatment of both views and its consistently clear opinion, supported by relevant explanations of exercise and public education. The main limitation is presentation as one continuous paragraph, which weakens the visible structure despite clear internal progression. The highest priority is to separate the introduction, each view, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs while refining a few awkward expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly addressed, and the preference for broad health education is clear and well developed throughout.
Deepen the comparison by explaining more precisely why education would change behavior among people who resist existing health advice.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a logical sequence and cohesive markers guide the argument, but the lack of paragraph breaks weakens organization.
Use separate paragraphs for the introduction, each main view, and the conclusion to make the progression immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with occasional awkward combinations such as mass educational activities and chances to die earlier.
Choose more natural collocations, such as public health campaigns and reducing the risk of premature death.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only occasional non-impeding errors in form and phrasing.
Refine comparative and conditional constructions, especially forms such as the more facilities are available, the more people can exercise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.