Many people think that increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve the public health. Others, however, say that this is not an effective way of improving the public health and other measures should be taken. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Health and fitness of people are declining and it has become a major concerna focus issue recently. Some individuals argue that improving exercise facilities can be the best wayeffort to increase community health. However, otherssome others believe that sports facility only accounts the little effect on health and other actions should be made to develop health. This essay will discuss both these views inthrough the following paragraphs.
To begin with, a lack of exerciselack of workout is believed to beis believed as one of the risk factors of several illnesses since it is required to expendsecrete energy and maintain cardiovascular health. Low participation in exerciseLow participation of people in doing exercise can be influenced by a limited number of available sports centressports centre available. Thus, improving sports facilities can be a good alternative that providesa good alternative providing suitable exercise equipmentfavourable and measurable workout equipment for individuals. Canada, for example, has successfully reduced the prevalence of hypertension in that country since a number of workout centres are ubiquitous and people have become more committed to visiting sports clubsmore intense visiting sports club to exercise regularlydo a regular workout.
Beyond exerciseDespite workout, food intake also significantly determines public health. Several health issues are associated with poor dietspoor diet consumption. Diabetic, for instance, becomes susceptible to people consuming fast-food mostly in their daily meal as it may improve the number of excessive glucose and trans-fat into the body. Hence, one solution to this dietary problem is to reduceone of the solutions for this dietary problem is by reducing fast-food consumption and making organic food part of the daily dietadopting a norm of organic food into daily account.
Among other effective measures, the government should encourage people to use the bicycle and walk to reach their workplace. The office authorities should also encourage people to move whenever possible and should persuade them to work out during breaks. All in all, attracting people’s enthusiasm to exercise more often by increasing sports centre and changing diet habit from fast-food to organic one are necessary for elevating community health degree.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response addresses both perspectives and supports its points with relevant health-related examples, while its paragraphing gives the argument a generally clear direction. The main limitation is that the writer's own position is only fully apparent in the conclusion, and several ideas rely on questionable or thinly explained claims. Prioritise a clear thesis and develop fewer measures with precise causal explanation and credible support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and a position can be inferred, but the opinion is delayed and some supporting claims are insufficiently developed or credible.
State the position explicitly in the introduction and develop each proposed health measure with a convincing causal explanation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical paragraph sequence, though some links are mechanical and the final paragraph combines new measures with the conclusion too abruptly.
Separate the final supporting measure from the conclusion and use transitions that clarify the relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of health-related vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace awkward combinations such as expressions about secreting energy or developing health with standard academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied and complex structures, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, prepositions, and word forms limit control.
Edit each sentence for noun phrase accuracy and verb patterns, especially articles, singular-plural agreement, and dependent prepositions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people think that increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve the public health. Others, however, say that this is not an effective way of improving the public health and other measures should be taken. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
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