Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
It is argued that the sports facilities should be increased in number to improve citizens’ health, while others claim that other initiatives are more essential to be conducted. While I support the idea that installing more sports facilities would help ordinary people to enhance their general health, I am more convinced that other effective measures should be taken.
On the one hand, people’s general health status could have been improved greatly via exercising. It is proven that working out fastens the amount of oxygen to the brain, helping people be more concentrative and optimistic. Therefore, lack of physical exercise or insufficient physical movements one’s working performance may be impacted and less productive. For example, Hanoi citizens are reported to be healthier than they were because of the availability of exercise equipment right at the local parts. However, I believe that this measure just improves partially not whole the public’s health.
On the other hand, there is a wide range of conducts to prevents poor health conditions. Improving diet quality is one of the effective measures that should not be neglected. A good physical health is indeed contributed by many elements, and a full nutrient meal makes consumers stronger and strongly resistant to some diseases. In Vietnam, there used to be a program of introducing milk into daily meals to deter malnutrition for children. After 2 years of conducting this campaign, the number of underweight children was minimised noticeably. Therefore, I completely advocate other solutions to implement to warrant the public’s general health.
In conclusion, although launching more sports facilities would benefit the overall health of citizens, I think that this matter could be addressed better by other methods.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove generic article Original: the sports facilities should Suggested revision: sports facilities should Why it matters: No definite article is needed when referring to sports facilities in general.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: other initiatives are more essential to be conducted Suggested revision: other measures are more necessary Why it matters: Measures can be necessary, whereas initiatives are not naturally described as being conducted here.
- 3. Correct verb choice Original: installing Suggested revision: building Why it matters: Facilities are normally built or provided rather than installed.
- 4. Correct verb tense Original: could have been improved greatly Suggested revision: can be greatly improved Why it matters: The paragraph makes a general present claim, so the modal perfect is inappropriate.
- 5. Use natural phrase Original: via exercising Suggested revision: through exercise Why it matters: ‘Through exercise’ is the more natural academic expression for the means described.
- 6. Avoid absolute claim Original: It is proven Suggested revision: Evidence suggests Why it matters: This wording introduces the supporting claim more appropriately without presenting it as conclusively proven.
- 7. Correct verb choice Original: fastens Suggested revision: increases Why it matters: ‘Fastens’ means secures something and cannot describe a rise in quantity.
- 8. Use correct adjective Original: concentrative Suggested revision: focused Why it matters: ‘Focused’ is the standard adjective for the intended ability to concentrate.
- 9. Correct location noun Original: the local parts Suggested revision: local parks Why it matters: ‘Parks’ fits the stated location for public exercise equipment, while ‘parts’ does not.
- 10. Use countable noun Original: conducts Suggested revision: measures Why it matters: ‘Conduct’ does not mean individual public-health actions and is not countable in this sense.
- 11. Use base verb Original: prevents Suggested revision: prevent Why it matters: An infinitive marker must be followed by the base form of the verb.
- 12. Remove article Original: A good physical health Suggested revision: Good physical health Why it matters: ‘Health’ is uncountable here and does not take the indefinite article.
Suggested Rewrites
- the sports facilities should sports facilities should
- other initiatives are more essential to be conducted other measures are more necessary
- installing building
- could have been improved greatly can be greatly improved
- via exercising through exercise
- It is proven Evidence suggests
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response has a clear structure, discusses both views, and maintains a consistent preference for broader health measures, supported by relevant examples. Its main limitation is frequent inaccurate wording and grammar, including malformed clauses and unnatural collocations, which reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to build accurate sentence patterns first and then select natural vocabulary for causes, measures, and health outcomes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed, the opinion remains clear, and each side receives relevant explanation and an example.
Develop the comparison more critically by explaining why diet measures would outperform additional facilities at population level.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph progression is clear and cohesive devices make the contrasting views easy to follow.
Use less mechanical transition language and make the reasoning within the first body paragraph more tightly connected.
Lexical Resource
The response shows adequate range, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Prioritise natural combinations such as increase oxygen supply, local parks, balanced meal, and implement solutions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms is attempted, but agreement, article, clause, and sentence-construction errors recur.
Practise complete cause-and-effect sentences and check subject-verb agreement, articles, and passive structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.