Many people think that increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve the public health. Others, however, say that this is not an effective way of improving the public health and other measures should be taken. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
It is highly debated that whether more numbers of sports facilities is the most significant solution to improve public health or other practices are essential along with. Sports obviously help people to develop strong bodiesbuild strong body structure and a peaceful state of mindpeaceful state of mind, but theyit cannot independently improve public healthincrease the level of public health. However, both groups have strong points in their respective positionschoice. Sports have been an important part of human life. Some people agree that they significantly improveit significantly make human health better on the ground that it makes people physically strong. An increase in the number of sports facilitiesAddition in sports facilities number is believed to attract more people to engage in athletic activities. People want to perform well and improve their skillsperform good sports and skills when they play any game, which encouragespromotes them to eat adequate, nutritious dietssufficient and supportive diets. This helps to maintain good public health. As increasing the number of sports facilities encouragesencourage more people to engage in such activities, and sports themselvesitself motivate human beings to take care of their health, increasing the number of sports facilitiesaddition in a number of sports is the best choice to maintain good public healtha good public health. OnIn the other hand, most people believe additional measures are required for a significant positive change in public health in addition to a greater number of sports facilitiesmore sports facilities number, for example, public awareness regarding balanced diet, environmental issues and proper daily life practices. It cannot be expected that the number of people engaging in sports will dramatically increase only because there are more such facilitiesmore numbers of such facilities. MotivationalMotivating programmes should be applied to encourage people to make sports an essential part of their life. Also, proper diet plan and adopting natural agricultural process are important as well. Regarding mental health, meditation and travel is beneficialtravelling are required in addition to sports. For example, my friend significantly improved his health by playing footballimproved his health playing football along with proper diet plan and meditation. In conclusion, the increment in the number of sports facilities cannot independently improve public health.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response discusses both positions and maintains a clear view that sports facilities can help but cannot improve public health alone. It offers several relevant alternatives, including diet, awareness, meditation and motivation, and the final example combines these measures. The main limitations are repetitive development, single-paragraph organization and frequent awkward language. Prioritize distinct body paragraphs, tighter reasoning and accurate grammar and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's opinion are present, but the case for more facilities is repetitive and several alternative measures are listed rather than explained.
Develop one mechanism for facilities and one complementary policy in depth, showing how each changes actual health behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The broad movement from one view to the other is recognizable, but the absence of paragraphing and repeated ideas make progression mechanical.
Use an introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion, with one controlling idea in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough topic vocabulary to convey its position, but frequent unnatural combinations and inaccurate word choices noticeably restrict precision.
Replace phrases such as 'more numbers of facilities', 'supportive diets' and 'make sports' with standard public-health collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Errors in agreement, articles, clause construction and noun forms are frequent, although the main meaning can usually be recovered.
Prioritize subject-verb agreement and complete sentence structure before attempting long causal sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people think that increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve the public health. Others, however, say that this is not an effective way of improving the public health and other measures should be taken. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.