Many people think that increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve the public health. Others, however, say that this is not an effective way of improving the public health and other measures should be taken. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
It is highly debated that whether more numbers of sports facilities is the most significant solution to improve public health or other practices are essential along with. Sports obviously help people to build strong body structure and peaceful state of mind, but it cannot independently increase the level of public health. However, both groups have strong points in their respective choice. Sports have been an important part of human life. Some people agree that it significantly make human health better on the ground that it makes people physically strong. Addition in sports facilities number is believed to attract more people to engage in athletic activities. People want to perform good sports and skills when they play any game, which promotes them to eat sufficient and supportive diets. This helps to maintain good public health. As increasing the number of sports facilities encourage more people to engage in such activities, and sports itself motivate human beings to take care of their health, addition in a number of sports is the best choice to maintain a good public health. In the other hand, most people believe additional measures are required for a significant positive change in public health in addition to more sports facilities number, for example, public awareness regarding balanced diet, environmental issues and proper daily life practices. It cannot be expected that the number of people engaging in sports will dramatically increase only because there are more numbers of such facilities. Motivating programmes should be applied to encourage people to make sports an essential part of their life. Also, proper diet plan and adopting natural agricultural process are important as well. Regarding mental health, meditation and travelling are required in addition to sports. For example, my friend significantly improved his health playing football along with proper diet plan and meditation. In conclusion, the increment in the number of sports facilities cannot independently improve public health.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: build strong body structure Suggested revision: develop strong bodies Why it matters: The original noun phrase is not a natural way to describe physical fitness.
- 2. Add the article Original: peaceful state of mind Suggested revision: a peaceful state of mind Why it matters: The singular countable phrase state of mind requires an article.
- 3. Match the plural subject Original: it Suggested revision: they Why it matters: The pronoun refers to the plural noun Sports.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: increase the level of public health Suggested revision: improve public health Why it matters: Public health is improved rather than increased in level.
- 5. Refer to viewpoints Original: choice Suggested revision: positions Why it matters: Positions accurately refers to the two sides of the debate.
- 6. Fix agreement and reference Original: it significantly make Suggested revision: they significantly improve Why it matters: The plural referent sports requires they and a plural verb.
- 7. Use the standard phrase Original: Addition in sports facilities number Suggested revision: An increase in the number of sports facilities Why it matters: The original noun and preposition combination is unidiomatic.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: perform good sports and skills Suggested revision: perform well and improve their skills Why it matters: People perform well and develop skills rather than perform sports and skills.
- 9. Use the correct verb Original: promotes Suggested revision: encourages Why it matters: Encourages is the natural verb for motivating people to change behaviour.
- 10. Describe diets naturally Original: sufficient and supportive diets Suggested revision: adequate, nutritious diets Why it matters: Supportive does not naturally describe the nutritional quality of a diet.
- 11. Match the gerund subject Original: encourage Suggested revision: encourages Why it matters: The subject is the singular gerund phrase increasing the number, so the verb must be singular.
- 12. Fix number agreement Original: itself Suggested revision: themselves Why it matters: The plural noun sports requires the plural reflexive form and verb.
Suggested Rewrites
- build strong body structure develop strong bodies
- peaceful state of mind a peaceful state of mind
- it they
- increase the level of public health improve public health
- choice positions
- it significantly make they significantly improve
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response discusses both positions and maintains a clear view that sports facilities can help but cannot improve public health alone. It offers several relevant alternatives, including diet, awareness, meditation and motivation, and the final example combines these measures. The main limitations are repetitive development, single-paragraph organization and frequent awkward language. Prioritize distinct body paragraphs, tighter reasoning and accurate grammar and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's opinion are present, but the case for more facilities is repetitive and several alternative measures are listed rather than explained.
Develop one mechanism for facilities and one complementary policy in depth, showing how each changes actual health behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The broad movement from one view to the other is recognizable, but the absence of paragraphing and repeated ideas make progression mechanical.
Use an introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion, with one controlling idea in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough topic vocabulary to convey its position, but frequent unnatural combinations and inaccurate word choices noticeably restrict precision.
Replace phrases such as 'more numbers of facilities', 'supportive diets' and 'make sports' with standard public-health collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Errors in agreement, articles, clause construction and noun forms are frequent, although the main meaning can usually be recovered.
Prioritize subject-verb agreement and complete sentence structure before attempting long causal sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people think that increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve the public health. Others, however, say that this is not an effective way of improving the public health and other measures should be taken. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.