When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
The technological revolution affects all countries around the world in many ways significantly. It seems that the traditional skills and the ways life used to be present have disappeared. This essay will discuss how the technology has led to this case and whether it is worth attempting to save people's traditional life or not. To begin with, there are various reasons why traditional skills no longer exist as it was many years ago. One major reason is the development of technology. For illustrations, modern technology has been used for many tasks such as agriculture, industries, and the machines have replaced people’s manual tasks in most cases. Moreover, the internet alters the way of communication dramatically; instead of visiting family these days, for example, people speak with each other over the phone or chat using social media like Facebook or Twitter. Perhaps, that is why the traditional skills are expiring with the demand if time and modernization. Let's move to another point in the statement: some people argue that the traditional experience shouldn't be saved. The principal reason for their opinion is that global advertising encourages everyone to buy the same products. For instance, people wear similar clothes, rather than traditional costumes, and eat from the same types of restaurants such as KFC and Mac Donald and their branches are present all over the world. This shows that it does not make sense to keep the traditional skills alive. To conclude, this essay has looked at the possible reasons of die out of traditional life, such as the revolution in technology and popularity of the internet, and also the reason why it is aimless to keep them alive.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Simplify noun phrase Original: the traditional skills and the ways life used to be present Suggested revision: traditional skills and ways of life Why it matters: The original phrase is ungrammatical and unnecessarily wordy.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: the technology has led Suggested revision: technology has led Why it matters: “Technology” is used generally here and does not need “the.”
- 3. Choose accurate noun Original: case Suggested revision: situation Why it matters: “Situation” is the natural word for the social change being discussed.
- 4. Use natural phrase Original: people's traditional life Suggested revision: traditional ways of life Why it matters: “Ways of life” expresses the intended general cultural meaning more naturally.
- 5. Fix pronoun agreement Original: as it was many years ago Suggested revision: as they did many years ago Why it matters: The plural subject “skills” requires “they,” and “did” correctly substitutes for “existed.”
- 6. Use natural expression Original: the way of communication Suggested revision: the way people communicate Why it matters: The revised clause is the standard way to describe changing communication habits.
- 7. Clarify possession Original: visiting family these days Suggested revision: visiting their families these days Why it matters: The possessive determiner identifies whose families people visit.
- 8. Remove unnecessary comma Original: Perhaps, that is why Suggested revision: Perhaps that is why Why it matters: No comma should separate “Perhaps” from the clause it modifies.
- 9. Use correct verb Original: expiring Suggested revision: disappearing Why it matters: Skills can “disappear” or “die out,” but they do not “expire.”
- 10. Correct fixed phrase Original: demand if time Suggested revision: demands of time Why it matters: The intended expression is “the demands of time.”
- 11. Use direct transition Original: Let's move to another point in the statement: Suggested revision: Another point in the statement is that Why it matters: The revision removes conversational signposting and connects directly to the claim.
- 12. Use precise noun Original: experience Suggested revision: practices Why it matters: “Practices” accurately refers to customs that people may preserve.
Suggested Rewrites
- the traditional skills and the ways life used to be present traditional skills and ways of life
- the technology has led technology has led
- case situation
- people's traditional life traditional ways of life
- as it was many years ago as they did many years ago
- the way of communication the way people communicate
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is relevant and follows a recognisable progression from technological change to cultural standardisation, using appropriate examples to illustrate both ideas. Its main limitation is that it explains why traditions disappear more fully than it evaluates whether preservation is pointless, and the writer's own degree of agreement is not stated sharply. Make the position explicit and organise the essay around reasons that directly justify that judgement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Relevant reasons and examples address the topic, but the extent of agreement and the case about preservation are only partly developed.
State a precise degree of agreement and explain directly why efforts to preserve traditions are or are not worthwhile.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas move in a broadly logical sequence with clear signposting, although some transitions are mechanical and paragraphing is not visible.
Use distinct paragraphs for the technology argument and the preservation judgement, linked by a clear line of reasoning.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and sometimes varied, but recurrent awkward phrases and inaccurate collocations limit precision.
Use natural expressions for cultural decline and preservation, and check word forms in key claims.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of sentence forms with generally clear meaning, despite recurring article, agreement, and phrasing errors.
Improve control of noun phrases and subordinate clauses, especially when describing general trends and causes.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.