When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Nowadays, technological advancement and their rapid and wide applications are having a significant impact on a nation's traditional skills and ways of life. Some argue that such impact is so extraordinary that it would make conventional skills and lifestyles obsolete. However, I believe they would continue to thrive by providing alternatives to modern ways of life, and innovative ideas for modern technologies. First of all, traditional skills and ways of life are becoming an alternative solution to the problems caused by "mainstreamed" ways of life which are greatly influenced by modern technologies. For instance, a cozy restaurant where traditional, home-brewed beer is served, offers another experience to people who are bored with branded beers that have the same flavour and come out of mass production with new technologies. It is in such a venue where traditional skills are preserved, people become relaxed and educated. Providing diversity and thus enriching modern ways of life, such traditional skills and ways of life would continue to have their place. Furthermore, conventional skills provide innovative ideas to the development of modern technologies. For example, sparkled by how the word "Love" is traditionally knitted into a sweater by some ethnic minority women in some parts of Asia, some business managers from textile industry have developed some production lines by applying the traditional skills to Computer-Aided Designs (CAD). The products have boosted the companies' sales which in turn have increased their investment in preserving traditional skills for further developing their technologies. To conclude, traditional skills and lifestyles are increasingly becoming a useful alternative to the homogeneity brought by global applications of modern technologies. However, the evolution of technologies is a selection process, whereby some would become obsolete, but there is no doubt that some would thrive when their roles are appreciated.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: advancement Suggested revision: advances Why it matters: The plural form agrees with the following plural possessive and refers naturally to multiple developments.
- 2. Improve collocation Original: rapid and wide applications Suggested revision: rapid and widespread application Why it matters: Widespread application is the natural collocation for extensive technological use.
- 3. Add article Original: such impact Suggested revision: such an impact Why it matters: The singular countable noun impact requires an article here.
- 4. Clarify pronoun reference Original: they would continue to thrive Suggested revision: traditional skills and ways of life would continue to thrive Why it matters: Naming the subject removes possible ambiguity about what will continue to thrive.
- 5. Use natural adjective Original: "mainstreamed" ways of life Suggested revision: mainstream ways of life Why it matters: Mainstream is the standard adjective for widely adopted lifestyles.
- 6. Make wording concise Original: beers that have the same flavour and come out of mass production with new technologies Suggested revision: mass-produced beers with similar flavours Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the comparison more precisely and naturally.
- 7. Correct preposition Original: to Suggested revision: for Why it matters: Ideas for development is the appropriate prepositional pattern.
- 8. Choose correct verb Original: sparkled Suggested revision: inspired Why it matters: Inspired accurately describes an existing craft prompting a new design idea.
- 9. Fix article and phrase Original: some business managers from textile industry Suggested revision: some managers in the textile industry Why it matters: The industry needs the definite article, and in is the natural preposition for employment in a sector.
- 10. Use standard term Original: Computer-Aided Designs (CAD) Suggested revision: computer-aided design (CAD) Why it matters: Computer-aided design is the standard uncountable name represented by the abbreviation CAD.
- 11. Use precise degree Original: extraordinary Suggested revision: profound Why it matters: Profound is a more natural adjective for describing the extent of an impact.
- 12. Remove unnecessary comma Original: ways of life, and innovative ideas Suggested revision: ways of life and innovative ideas Why it matters: A comma is not needed between the two coordinated complements of providing.
Suggested Rewrites
- advancement advances
- rapid and wide applications rapid and widespread application
- such impact such an impact
- they would continue to thrive traditional skills and ways of life would continue to thrive
- "mainstreamed" ways of life mainstream ways of life
- beers that have the same flavour and come out of mass production with new technologies mass-produced beers with similar flavours
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear, nuanced disagreement and develops two distinct, relevant reasons with concrete examples, demonstrating strong control of argument and vocabulary. Its main limitation is presentation: the entire essay forms one paragraph, while several awkward constructions weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and revise sentences whose grammar or collocation obscures otherwise sophisticated ideas.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear and nuanced position is sustained through two well-developed reasons supported by specific examples.
Make the final concession more explicit about why preserving selected traditions remains worthwhile despite some inevitable loss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically and cohesive links are generally effective, but the lack of paragraph breaks significantly weakens organisation.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clear internal focus.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and often precise, although a few unnatural choices such as ‘mainstreamed’ and ‘sparkled by’ reduce control.
Check less common words and collocations for natural usage before using them to express complex ideas.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is used successfully, with occasional agreement, article, punctuation, and sentence-construction errors.
Revise awkward complex sentences so that clauses are joined accurately and subjects agree consistently with their verbs and pronouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.