There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Sample Response
Music nowadays has turned to be an activity by which many of us relax. Many people feel so much relaxed by listening music and while others find themselves more comfortable with playing music more often. Music is used to cheer up your mood and state of mind. You feel internal peace and its help you forget all your tensions. The World is divided into many different cultures and traditions. Every part of the world has its own unique identity. Different countries of the world and people of different countries have their own likes and dislikes. Similarly, when we talk about music, it also differs from region to region. While subcontinent people are more attracted towards classical music which is often a slow rhythmic music and people of western people like the fast track music because classical music is the part of the culture of the subcontinent and mostly on different occasions and on different events people prefer classical music over rock music. But as the world is forwarding fast day-by-day and advancement are taking place in every field, same is true for the music. In music nowadays there are different kinds of music introduced which are also good for listeners. I personally believe that people put more attention and show a high level of interest when something which is directly related to their tradition and culture and same goes for music. Especially in our subcontinent, people are attracted towards traditional music as compared to international or foreign music and people give more importance to their traditions because tradition is something which makes you proud or we can say that it’s your identity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct verb form Original: has turned to be Suggested revision: has become Why it matters: Has become is the correct form for describing this change.
- 2. Use natural expression Original: an activity by which Suggested revision: a means by which Why it matters: Means is more appropriate than activity for describing how people relax.
- 3. Correct collocation Original: cheer up your mood Suggested revision: improve your mood Why it matters: Improve your mood is the natural collocation in this context.
- 4. Use standard phrase Original: internal Suggested revision: inner Why it matters: Inner peace is the established English expression.
- 5. Fix pronoun and verb Original: its help you Suggested revision: it helps you Why it matters: The sentence needs the subject pronoun it and a third-person singular verb.
- 6. Fix capitalization Original: World Suggested revision: world Why it matters: World is a common noun here and should not be capitalized.
- 7. Remove repetition Original: Different countries of the world and people of different countries Suggested revision: Countries and their people Why it matters: The revision removes repeated wording without changing the meaning.
- 8. Use formal phrasing Original: when we talk about music Suggested revision: when considering music Why it matters: The revision is more concise and appropriate for an academic essay.
- 9. Correct word choice Original: the world is forwarding fast day-by-day Suggested revision: the world is changing rapidly Why it matters: Forwarding is not used to describe general social change.
- 10. Fix agreement and form Original: advancement are taking place Suggested revision: advances are occurring Why it matters: The plural noun advances agrees with are and is natural in this context.
- 11. Add article and preposition Original: same is true for the music Suggested revision: the same is true of music Why it matters: The fixed expression requires the article the and the preposition of.
- 12. Remove awkward opener Original: In music nowadays Suggested revision: Nowadays Why it matters: The shorter opener avoids repeating music and places the time reference naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- has turned to be has become
- an activity by which a means by which
- cheer up your mood improve your mood
- internal inner
- its help you it helps you
- World world
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response communicates a clear preference for traditional music and gives relevant ideas about relaxation, cultural identity, and regional tastes. Its main limitation is that both questions receive limited, repetitive development in one unstructured paragraph, while international music is scarcely evaluated; the priority is to separate the two questions into focused paragraphs and explain, with specific comparisons, why traditional music should be considered more important.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed and a preference is stated, but the reasons are repetitive, briefly supported, and only minimally compare traditional with international music.
Develop each answer with a distinct explanation and example, then directly compare the cultural value of traditional music with the benefits of international music.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main ideas can be followed, but the lack of paragraphing, repeated statements, and an overlong central sentence weaken progression.
Use separate introduction, purpose, comparison, and conclusion paragraphs, and split the long regional-music discussion into logically ordered sentences.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to express the main ideas, but repetition and frequent unnatural collocations reduce precision and flexibility.
Use accurate combinations such as listen to music, feel relaxed, fast-paced music, and place greater importance on traditions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, clause structure, and sentence boundaries reduce control.
Prioritise complete sentence structures and subject-verb agreement before combining ideas into longer clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.