There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Sample Response
Music is the language of the world and it presents the unique tradition and custom of a tribe, society or nation. People listen to different types of music with great interests because it inspires us, refreshes our mind, heals our wounds, motivates us and so on. However, it is arguable that whether the traditional music of a nation plays more crucial roles than the modern music that is popular worldwide. From my point of view, the former one is more important than the latter one for the reason that it can reflect the cultural identity and the history of a nation.
First of all, no one can deny that most of the people love to listen to music as it inspires us, relaxes our mind and let us forget our anxiety and tension. For example, a person may get stressed out and tired when he returns from the office and the music can work as the magic to remove his tiredness. A growing number of people these days listen to music while commuting and this is quite effective to enjoy the time even on a busy road and amid of a tiresome journey. Rich lyrics can enhance our intellectual level and it is often true that a person could be judged by the types of music he listens to. Music is a global language that connects people, protests unjust, inspires people and creates a unique form of entertainment which is not only refreshing but also educational.
Traditional music, itself, represents traditions and customs of a nation. Behind the music, there are history, story of a nation and even religious lessons. In addition, traditional music can connect people with their cultural heritage, left from ancestors. Hence, it plays the vital role and bears the indigenous practices and dignity of a nation. Thus, we must preserve our own traditional music as they could tell the history and life of our ancestors as well as what we really are. Despite that, many people chose to listen to the international music. It can bring different nations together and teach lessons that were unknown to a person. The music is different and can suite with a person's choice.
In conclusion, traditional music is much more important than the modern international music which can be heard in every part of the world. Youngsters should give their heart to their own traditional music to keep their cultural heritage alive.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural nouns Original: tradition and custom Suggested revision: traditions and customs Why it matters: The reference to a society's varied cultural features requires plural nouns.
- 2. Fix clause structure Original: arguable that whether Suggested revision: debatable whether Why it matters: Whether directly introduces the issue, so that is ungrammatical here.
- 3. Match singular subject Original: more crucial roles Suggested revision: a more crucial role Why it matters: Music is singular here and therefore takes a singular role phrase.
- 4. Remove redundant word Original: former one Suggested revision: former Why it matters: Former already functions as a noun in this comparison, making one unnecessary.
- 5. Remove redundant word Original: latter one Suggested revision: latter Why it matters: Latter already identifies the second option without one.
- 6. Use concise link Original: for the reason that Suggested revision: because Why it matters: Because expresses the causal link more directly and naturally.
- 7. Remove unnecessary article Original: most of the people Suggested revision: most people Why it matters: A general reference to people does not require of the.
- 8. Fix verb agreement Original: let Suggested revision: lets Why it matters: The singular subject it requires the third-person singular verb lets.
- 9. Fix the expression Original: work as the magic Suggested revision: work like magic Why it matters: Work like magic is the idiomatic expression for producing a strong effect.
- 10. Remove extra preposition Original: amid of Suggested revision: amid Why it matters: Amid takes a noun phrase directly and is not followed by of.
- 11. Choose accurate adjective Original: tiresome Suggested revision: tiring Why it matters: Tiring describes a journey that causes fatigue, whereas tiresome usually means annoying.
- 12. Use the noun Original: unjust Suggested revision: injustice Why it matters: The verb protests requires a noun object rather than the adjective unjust.
Suggested Rewrites
- tradition and custom traditions and customs
- arguable that whether debatable whether
- more crucial roles a more crucial role
- former one former
- latter one latter
- for the reason that because
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its complete and clearly signposted answer: it explains several purposes of music and maintains a consistent preference for traditional music. Its main limitation is language control, as frequent article, agreement, preposition, and collocation problems make otherwise varied expression sound unnatural. The highest priority is to proofread complex sentences for grammatical accuracy and replace imprecise combinations with natural academic phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered directly, with a clear position and relevant, substantially developed reasons.
Deepen the comparison by explaining more precisely why traditional music’s cultural value outweighs the benefits of international music.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Use cohesive phrases more selectively and strengthen reference chains so pronouns always point clearly to the intended noun.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often topic-specific, but recurrent collocation, spelling, and word-form errors reduce precision.
Check less familiar phrases in context and replace combinations such as amid of and suite with with idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors with articles, agreement, prepositions, and clause construction remain noticeable.
Prioritise accurate control of articles and subject-verb agreement before adding further complexity to sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.