There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Sample Response
In recent years, the world has seen many kinds of music and the broad category of music are mainly international and traditional music. Music has diversified functions for every region in the world. Why we do need music? Because music can inspire us, represents our emotion and can remedy our wounds. In my opinion, the traditional music has more significance than the International music which people listen to everywhere in this era. Traditional music has far greater functions and obvious roles than the international music. I will explain some reasons for my belief in the following paragraphs. First, the traditional music has become the important part in many cultural ceremonies, such as wedding and death ceremony. For example, in a wedding ceremony, we need traditional music when a couple each other. Without music, this ceremony will not be complete. Secondly, nowadays we still use traditional music as a medium for communication and praising God or other people. For instance, sometimes we use music to praise our creator. Thirdly, every country or region has a distinguished genre for identity. Music also has the aim to differentiate a country or a region from others. For example, Indonesia has dangdut and keroncong music and these music have become Indonesian cultural identity. In addition, we need traditional music to accompany traditional dancing. In Indonesia, we have a lot of traditional dancing and each dancing has music to escort to manage every motion. For example, traditional music which accompanies jejer dance is different from candra dewi dance, because the music has to be suitable with every motion in each dance. Although nowadays people often listen to international music, but it does not mean that this music has more important functions than the traditional music, while international music is mostly used by people for entertain purposes traditional music represents our identity and culture.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix number agreement Original: category Suggested revision: categories Why it matters: The plural verb are requires the plural noun categories.
- 2. Choose correct adjective Original: diversified Suggested revision: diverse Why it matters: Diverse describes a variety of functions, whereas diversified describes something made more varied.
- 3. Correct preposition Original: for Suggested revision: in Why it matters: In is the appropriate preposition for functions found within regions.
- 4. Fix verb and noun Original: represents our emotion Suggested revision: represent our emotions Why it matters: The verb must remain parallel with inspire after can, and emotions is naturally plural.
- 5. Remove unnecessary article Original: the traditional music has more significance Suggested revision: traditional music has more significance Why it matters: Music is used as an uncountable general category here and takes no article.
- 6. Improve comparison Original: far greater functions and obvious roles Suggested revision: far more significant functions and roles Why it matters: The revision gives the comparison a clearer and more natural focus.
- 7. Correct both articles Original: the traditional music has become the important part Suggested revision: traditional music has become an important part Why it matters: General traditional music takes no article, while a singular nonspecific part requires an.
- 8. Correct ceremony nouns Original: such as wedding and death ceremony Suggested revision: such as wedding and funeral ceremonies Why it matters: The examples require plural count nouns, and funeral ceremony is the natural term.
- 9. Make forms parallel Original: communication Suggested revision: communicating Why it matters: Coordinated activities should use matching grammatical forms.
- 10. Clarify identity phrase Original: a distinguished genre for identity Suggested revision: a distinctive genre that forms part of its identity Why it matters: Distinctive describes a characteristic genre, and the added clause expresses its relationship to identity clearly.
- 11. Fix demonstrative agreement Original: these music Suggested revision: these forms of music Why it matters: The uncountable noun music cannot directly follow the plural demonstrative these.
- 12. Add possessive form Original: Indonesian Suggested revision: Indonesia’s Why it matters: The possessive country name correctly identifies whose cultural identity is meant.
Suggested Rewrites
- category categories
- diversified diverse
- for in
- represents our emotion represent our emotions
- the traditional music has more significance traditional music has more significance
- far greater functions and obvious roles far more significant functions and roles
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear preference for traditional music and supports it with several culturally relevant examples, particularly from Indonesia. However, the reasons people need music and the value of international music receive limited direct development, and the single-block organisation combines with frequent language errors to reduce clarity. The main priority is to organise distinct paragraphs and develop both questions with balanced, explicitly explained reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered and the opinion is clear, but the need for music and the opposing comparison are developed less fully than traditional music.
Explain two general needs that music fulfils and compare traditional and international music directly before confirming the final judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a discernible sequence with clear enumeration, but the response is presented as one long paragraph and linking is mechanical.
Separate the introduction, each main line of argument, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with smoother internal transitions.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, yet recurrent collocation and word-form errors often make expression awkward.
Use standard phrases such as cultural identity, accompany a dance, and entertainment purposes, and check noun forms and countability.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, clause construction, and sentence boundaries limit accuracy.
Build complete sentences around one clear main clause and systematically check subject-verb agreement, articles, and conjunction patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.