There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Sample Response
Music can be presented in several ways and variations that we can observe in the world these days. Many people consider music as part of their life and get motivation and inspiration from the music they listen to. However, some people argue on the significance of music in our life. Many others compare the importance of folk music and global music in term of people’s preference to listen. Furthermore, people tend to enjoy life better when they put music to listen to their daily activity. In my view, music can bring some advantages to improve people’s life and local music and international music has both advantages to our life. In every place, music and people are hard to be separated. They love music because it can revive stress and bad feeling that we usually have. Moreover, the rhythm of the music that is playing triggers our body to feel free and relax each moment. In addition, different varieties of music are available for everyone. For example, people can feel free listening to soft, classic and loud music based on their choices. Another issue of this essay is whether traditional music or popular world music has more importance. Traditional music has an important as an identity of a nation. Indeed, every citizen has to maintain this legacy for their generation. Nonetheless, global music is surely good to be heard regarding on people’s passion. In other words, none can be forced to stop listening to popular music because it is their right to choose any kinds of music that are suitable for them. Hence, every person has the choice to listen to many genres of music. It describes how music becomes so popular today. In fact, music just serves benefits depend on individuals’ preference about it. Folk or international music contributes to aid someone through their life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural music phrase Original: presented in several ways and variations Suggested revision: experienced in many forms and styles Why it matters: Forms and styles describes varieties of music more naturally than ways and variations.
- 2. Remove incorrect as Original: consider music as part Suggested revision: consider music part Why it matters: Consider takes a direct object complement in this construction, without as.
- 3. Use correct verb pattern Original: argue on the significance Suggested revision: debate the significance Why it matters: Debate takes the topic directly and expresses disagreement about its importance.
- 4. Use fixed plural phrase Original: term Suggested revision: terms Why it matters: The fixed expression is in terms of.
- 5. Use natural noun phrase Original: people’s preference to listen Suggested revision: people’s listening preferences Why it matters: Listening preferences is the natural expression for what people choose to hear.
- 6. Repair verb construction Original: put music to listen to their daily activity Suggested revision: listen to music during their daily activities Why it matters: The replacement supplies the correct verb pattern and plural noun.
- 7. State benefit directly Original: bring some advantages to improve people’s life Suggested revision: help to improve people’s lives Why it matters: The revised collocation expresses the claimed benefit clearly and uses the correct plural noun.
- 8. Use benefit collocation Original: both advantages to our life Suggested revision: benefits in our lives Why it matters: Benefits in our lives is a natural expression and agrees with the plural reference.
- 9. Repair passive structure Original: music and people are hard to be separated Suggested revision: music is difficult to separate from people’s lives Why it matters: The revised structure clearly expresses the close connection between people and music.
- 10. Use correct stress verb Original: revive stress and bad feeling Suggested revision: relieve stress and negative feelings Why it matters: Relieve means reduce, while revive would mean bring the stress back.
- 11. Use plural body Original: body Suggested revision: bodies Why it matters: The plural possessive determiner our refers to people's bodies collectively.
- 12. Use parallel adjectives Original: relax Suggested revision: relaxed Why it matters: Relaxed is needed to remain parallel with the adjective free after feel.
Suggested Rewrites
- presented in several ways and variations experienced in many forms and styles
- consider music as part consider music part
- argue on the significance debate the significance
- term terms
- people’s preference to listen people’s listening preferences
- put music to listen to their daily activity listen to music during their daily activities
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response addresses both questions and communicates a consistent view that music supports well-being while listeners may value both local and international forms. Its main weakness is that ideas remain general and repetitive, with no paragraphing and frequent language errors that reduce precision. The priority is to organise the two answers into distinct paragraphs and develop each claim with a specific, well-explained example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are considered, but the comparison between traditional and international music is only partially developed and the answer remains general.
Give a direct comparative answer and support it with specific reasons showing why one form is more important or why their importance differs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a basic sequence, but the single block of text, repetition, and mechanical linking weaken overall progression.
Separate the response into an introduction, one paragraph for the need for music, one for the comparison, and a concise conclusion.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations make several ideas sound unnatural.
Build control of common combinations such as relieve stress, musical preferences, and national identity before attempting less familiar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of sentence forms, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, word forms, and complementation reduce accuracy.
Check subject-verb agreement and verb patterns systematically, especially in clauses such as music has, people listen to, and benefits depend on.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.