There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Sample Response
Kinds of music people listen nowadays are of different tastes and types. For instance, modern international pop and rap music, as well as classical traditional country songs all, vary from each other and people listen to them with great interests. This is because music has been part of our daily lives even in the ancient times. In this essay, reasons on why music is necessary for every Filipino people and the importance of the Philippine traditional folk music over foreign songs that young Filipinos and Filipinas always hear will be discussed. Music is a vital part of every Filipinos' lives. Firstly, Philippine folks considered it to be one of the most popular and ancient modes of human expressions. It features largely in all histories and all cultures and indeed has been one of the main ways of passing on cultural traditions to new generations of the country. Secondly, because of this, many people view music as a positive influence for the societies. This influence on individuals is wholly beneficial as it is a long-established way of communicating and helping us understand the whole range of human emotion and experience in a more spiritual language than words can represent. However, the classical music traditions of the Philippines are not necessarily part of the music many Filipinos and Filipinas experience today. In the modern world today, most of the country's young people constantly exposed themselves to loud modern foreign songs as a result of globalisation via the Internet. But I think that it is more important for young people of the country to learn traditional music to enable them to know the origins of our Philippine ancestors. In conclusion, I think that we need traditional music because it is an integral part of the human expression that we cannot really separate from our lives even if there are the various evolution of modern music we tend to listen every day through the web nowadays such as American rap songs and Korean pop music.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix misplaced word Original: country songs all, Suggested revision: country songs, Why it matters: 'All' is misplaced between the subject and its verb and should be removed.
- 2. Use concise verb Original: vary from each other Suggested revision: differ Why it matters: 'Differ' expresses the comparison more concisely.
- 3. Correct time expression Original: even in the ancient times Suggested revision: since ancient times Why it matters: The present perfect requires 'since' to describe a situation continuing from the past.
- 4. Remove wrong preposition Original: reasons on why Suggested revision: reasons why Why it matters: The noun 'reasons' connects directly to the clause introduced by 'why'.
- 5. Correct quantifier agreement Original: every Filipino people Suggested revision: Filipino people Why it matters: 'Every' cannot modify the plural noun 'people' in this construction.
- 6. Order modifiers naturally Original: the Philippine traditional folk music Suggested revision: traditional Philippine folk music Why it matters: This adjective order is more natural in English.
- 7. Use natural wording Original: young Filipinos and Filipinas always hear Suggested revision: young Filipinos regularly hear Why it matters: The revision is more concise and uses a more appropriate frequency adverb.
- 8. Correct singular agreement Original: every Filipinos' lives Suggested revision: every Filipino's life Why it matters: 'Every' requires a singular possessive noun and a singular head noun.
- 9. Use present tense Original: Philippine folks considered Suggested revision: Filipinos consider Why it matters: The present tense is needed for this general claim, and 'Filipinos' is the clearer subject.
- 10. Use uncountable form Original: expressions Suggested revision: expression Why it matters: 'Expression' is uncountable when referring generally to the act of expressing ideas or feelings.
- 11. Improve collocation Original: largely Suggested revision: prominently Why it matters: 'Features prominently' is the natural collocation for having an important presence.
- 12. Use natural preposition Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: 'In the country' naturally identifies where those generations live.
Suggested Rewrites
- country songs all, country songs,
- vary from each other differ
- even in the ancient times since ancient times
- reasons on why reasons why
- every Filipino people Filipino people
- the Philippine traditional folk music traditional Philippine folk music
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear preference for traditional music and offers relevant reasons for music’s cultural and emotional value. Its main weakness is uneven development: the comparison with international music is brief, while repetitive phrasing and frequent grammatical inaccuracies reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the two questions into distinct paragraphs and develop the comparison with a fuller explanation of why traditional music should take priority.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed and the preference for traditional music is clear, but the comparative argument is only briefly developed.
Explain in greater depth why preserving traditional music outweighs the appeal or benefits of international music.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning follows a broadly understandable sequence, but the absence of paragraphing and some repetitive transitions weaken organisation.
Use separate paragraphs for the need for music and the comparison of traditional and international music.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range for cultural and emotional ideas, although awkward collocations and word-form choices recur.
Replace unnatural combinations and unnecessary plurals with conventional expressions, especially when discussing people, society, and human expression.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of sentence forms communicates the main ideas, but agreement, possessive, article, and clause-structure errors occur repeatedly.
Check subject-verb agreement and noun forms systematically, then simplify any complex sentence whose structure becomes unstable.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.