There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Sample Response
Music has been one the most popular aspects of the art and undeniably has a special place in our daily lives. We mostly listen to different types of music when we go anywhere from our houses to shopping malls, festivals and parties and it seems that music is an inseparable part of various environments. In other words, living one day without listening to music is very hard and perhaps because of this reason, music has been considered as the food of the mind no matter listening to traditional types or international ones. The reason that we need music is embedded in its effect on our feelings. In fact, music easily puts us in different moods and makes new frames for our minds in different situations. For example, it gives us energy when we are exercising or makes us more relaxed when we have a dinner party with friends. Sometimes it’s the best way to be awake when we are driving a long distance and sometimes it opens the horizon for us to remind some sweet memories of our lives. Therefore, music can break the monotony of life, recharges our batteries and makes our favourite atmosphere in each second of living. However, there have been lots of debates about the importance of traditional music or international one, music is just a tasty matter and no measure can be taken to show the importance of different types of music. Put another way, people prefer to listen to their favourite list and choose something which can response to their needs. So anyone would be attracted to a kind of music composition, music genre or lyric and it’s not logically to encourage people to listen to a specific sort of music or opening which music is suitable and more important. I think, therefore, music is such a miracle which anyone can exploit it according to his feelings or character and no prescription can be written for people to cherish or listen to a style of music. People listen to what they like and it’s the reality.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add missing preposition Original: one the most popular Suggested revision: one of the most popular Why it matters: The fixed structure is “one of the most” followed by a plural noun.
- 2. Use natural category Original: aspects of the art Suggested revision: forms of art Why it matters: Music is conventionally described as a form of art rather than an aspect of “the art”.
- 3. Clarify location range Original: go anywhere from our houses to shopping malls Suggested revision: go to places ranging from our homes to shopping malls Why it matters: This wording makes the range of destinations grammatically clear.
- 4. Remove redundant linker Original: perhaps because of this reason Suggested revision: perhaps for this reason Why it matters: “Because of this reason” is redundant and unidiomatic.
- 5. Correct passive pattern Original: considered as the food of the mind Suggested revision: considered food for the mind Why it matters: “Consider” takes a direct object complement in this passive construction.
- 6. Use whether clause Original: no matter listening to traditional types or international ones Suggested revision: whether we listen to traditional or international music Why it matters: A “whether” clause is required to express the two alternatives grammatically.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: embedded in its effect Suggested revision: rooted in its effects Why it matters: “Rooted in” more naturally introduces the reason music is needed.
- 8. Clarify mental effect Original: makes new frames for our minds Suggested revision: shapes our thinking Why it matters: The original phrase is not an established English expression for influencing thought.
- 9. Use natural activity Original: have a dinner party with friends Suggested revision: have dinner with friends Why it matters: This phrasing directly describes the social situation without implying that the listener hosts an event.
- 10. Correct wakefulness phrase Original: the best way to be awake Suggested revision: an effective way to stay awake Why it matters: “Stay awake” describes maintaining wakefulness during a long drive.
- 11. Clarify memory effect Original: it opens the horizon for us to remind some sweet memories of our lives Suggested revision: it helps us recall pleasant memories from our lives Why it matters: People recall memories; they do not “remind memories” or “open the horizon” to them.
- 12. Keep verbs parallel Original: recharges Suggested revision: recharge Why it matters: After “can,” all coordinated verbs must remain in the base form.
Suggested Rewrites
- one the most popular one of the most popular
- aspects of the art forms of art
- go anywhere from our houses to shopping malls go to places ranging from our homes to shopping malls
- perhaps because of this reason perhaps for this reason
- considered as the food of the mind considered food for the mind
- no matter listening to traditional types or international ones whether we listen to traditional or international music
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response explains the emotional and practical value of music with several relevant everyday examples and gives a discernible view on musical preferences. The main limitation is that it does not directly compare the cultural importance of traditional and international music in enough depth, while one long paragraph and frequent language inaccuracies blur the argument. Prioritise a direct comparison supported by distinct, clearly organised reasons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The need for music is developed with relevant examples, but the answer to the traditional-versus-international question is indirect and only partly developed.
State a direct comparative position and explain why traditional or international music has greater importance, or why neither does, using specific reasons.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a broadly understandable sequence, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph and using several run-on transitions weakens progression.
Divide the response into an introduction, one paragraph for each question, and a brief conclusion with clear internal topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to discuss feelings, contexts, and musical preferences, but frequent unnatural collocations and word choices reduce clarity.
Replace imprecise phrases with natural academic expressions and check that each selected word fits its intended grammatical role.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent agreement, article, clause-boundary, and word-form errors make several sentences awkward.
Use shorter controlled complex sentences and proofread each clause for agreement, articles, and correct verb and adjective forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.