Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?
Sample Response
Today’s world is divided into industrialised countries and poor nations, where the main difference between them is the amount of money that they spend in the healthcare system, commerce and infrastructures. Most of those developing nations are living under the poverty line, and in my opinion, wealthy nations have the ability and the responsibility to help them. Rich countries are more capable of helping those less fortunate countries than their own governments because of many reasons. Firstly, most poor nations are buried into debts as a result of their unbalanced finance and inexperienced or corrupted administrations. This reflected in a weak and failed healthcare and education system and a weak international trade policy. This vicious cycle will continue unless rich countries take the responsibility of helping those nations and minimising the huge worldwide economic difference. For example, the World Bank can nullify their debts or rich nations can help them with some projects to help to pay for these debts. Secondly, many of those countries are living in subhuman conditions because of extreme poverty and epidemic diseases such as AIDS and cholera and they either do not have the knowledge or the sufficient medical resources to improve this situation. However, developed countries can donate free drugs, and send doctors and nurses to treat and educate infected population so as to prevent these diseases from spreading. On the other hand, many people from poor countries immigrate to rich countries to work or study. This result in many consequences: the first consequence is that they help to improve the economy of developed countries. For example in countries like the UK or FRANCE, there are lots of emigrants who prove themselves by their knowledge and hard working. Then it seems to be sensible that these wealthy nations should, in turn, help their home countries. In addition, the economy of poor countries gets worse because they have lost their most skilful and educated people while they need them to work and lead these nation to a better future. Finally, it would be difficult for poor nations to help themselves and grow without basic needs such as food, shelter, treatment and education. In conclusion, I believe that it would be less likely to see any improvement in developing nation economy and status without the cooperation of wealthy countries.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct preposition Original: spend in the healthcare system Suggested revision: spend on healthcare Why it matters: The verb “spend” takes “on” when referring to an area of expenditure.
- 2. Use uncountable noun Original: infrastructures Suggested revision: infrastructure Why it matters: “Infrastructure” is normally uncountable when describing a national system.
- 3. Use standard phrase Original: under Suggested revision: below Why it matters: “Below the poverty line” is the standard collocation.
- 4. Correct reason phrase Original: because of many reasons Suggested revision: for many reasons Why it matters: Use “for many reasons” rather than “because of many reasons.”
- 5. Fix debt collocation Original: buried into debts Suggested revision: burdened by debt Why it matters: “Burdened by debt” expresses this meaning naturally.
- 6. Use plural finances Original: finance Suggested revision: finances Why it matters: “Finances” is the appropriate plural noun for a country's financial affairs.
- 7. Choose correct adjective Original: corrupted Suggested revision: corrupt Why it matters: “Corrupt” describes dishonest administrations, whereas “corrupted” usually describes something altered or damaged.
- 8. Add passive verb Original: This reflected Suggested revision: This is reflected Why it matters: The sentence needs the passive auxiliary “is.”
- 9. Make systems plural Original: system Suggested revision: systems Why it matters: Two distinct systems require the plural noun “systems.”
- 10. Fix responsibility phrase Original: take the responsibility of helping Suggested revision: take responsibility for helping Why it matters: The correct construction is “take responsibility for” followed by a gerund.
- 11. Use natural verb Original: nullify Suggested revision: cancel Why it matters: Debts are normally “cancelled,” not “nullified.”
- 12. Remove unnecessary article Original: the sufficient medical resources Suggested revision: sufficient medical resources Why it matters: No article is needed before the plural noun phrase after “have.”
Suggested Rewrites
- spend in the healthcare system spend on healthcare
- infrastructures infrastructure
- under below
- because of many reasons for many reasons
- buried into debts burdened by debt
- finance finances
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, sustained position and supports it with several relevant lines of reasoning about debt, health crises, migration, and basic needs. Its main limitation is that frequent awkward word choices and grammatical slips reduce precision, while the absence of visible paragraphing weakens the otherwise logical progression. Prioritise accurate sentence construction and collocation, then organise each major reason into a distinct paragraph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported with several relevant, generally developed reasons and examples.
Develop the comparison with poorer governments more explicitly so the chosen responsibility is evaluated from both sides.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through distinct reasons, but the single-block presentation and some mechanical linking weaken organisation.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, and the conclusion into clear paragraphs with more natural transitions.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably broad topic vocabulary, though inaccurate collocations and word forms occur regularly.
Replace awkward combinations such as references to debt, finance, and populations with precise, conventional academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly despite recurring agreement, article, tense, and plural errors.
Proofread each sentence for subject-verb agreement and noun-number consistency before refining more complex structures.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.