Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?
Sample Response
In today’s world, industrialises countries such as America, Germany and England are amazingly wealthy while people in third world countries are suffering from poverty and many other related problems. So, it becomes a highly debatable issue whether it is the responsibility of governments of those poor nations to help their citizens or the rich countries should share their wealth and resources to them. It sounds reasonable that governments of poor nations are mainly responsible for improving the living status of their people. But for a country without any resources or investment, it would be very difficult to improve the economic status without any help from other rich nations. If wealthy nations share a certain portion of their wealth to the poor nations, it will be a great help to initiate new businesses and investment for a poor nation. Moreover, the basic needs of a country such as education and health can be filled up by donation of medicines and teaching materials. On the other hand, some people argue that sharing of wealth and donations of the basic needs to poor nations is not a real help. Because all these can easily be used up in a short time and no long term benefits might be expected. In addition, it is not sure that the financial support is going into investment for country’s business or it is lost in corruption, a common problem in developing and underdeveloped countries. So, they suggest that instead of material and monetary supply, wealthy nations should better help poor countries with technology and expert skills. For example, they should send the expert technician or professionals to developing countries to teach them advanced technology which can improve their business and lifestyle. Furthermore, young people from poor nations should be sponsored by prosperous nations for further educations. In short, a combination of technology and trained efficient young professionals can build up the long term economic status of the country. In summary, as it is impossible for the governments of poor nations to help the citizens on their own, any supply for short term or long run from the rich would be a very valuable help for them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct adjective Original: industrialises Suggested revision: industrialised Why it matters: The past-participle adjective “industrialised” is required to describe the countries.
- 2. Use formal degree adverb Original: amazingly Suggested revision: extremely Why it matters: “Extremely” expresses the high degree of wealth more appropriately in formal prose.
- 3. Use current country term Original: third world countries Suggested revision: developing countries Why it matters: “Developing countries” is a more neutral and current term than “third world countries.”
- 4. Use standard living phrase Original: status Suggested revision: standards Why it matters: “Living standards” is the established term for people’s material and social conditions.
- 5. Name national economy Original: improve the economic status Suggested revision: improve the economy Why it matters: The sentence concerns a country’s economy rather than the personal socioeconomic status implied by “economic status.”
- 6. Correct share preposition Original: share a certain portion of their wealth to the poor nations Suggested revision: share a certain portion of their wealth with poorer nations Why it matters: The verb “share” takes “with” before the recipients.
- 7. Use direct verb phrase Original: a great help to initiate Suggested revision: greatly help initiate Why it matters: The adverb and verb structure is more natural than treating “help” as a countable noun.
- 8. Restore verb parallelism Original: new businesses and investment Suggested revision: new businesses and attract investment Why it matters: After “initiate,” the second coordinated idea needs its own verb to express attracting investment.
- 9. Use needs collocation Original: can be filled up Suggested revision: can be met Why it matters: Needs are “met” rather than “filled up.”
- 10. Use plural donation phrase Original: by donation of Suggested revision: through donations of Why it matters: The countable noun needs a plural form for a general reference to multiple contributions.
- 11. Remove unnecessary nominalisation Original: sharing of wealth Suggested revision: sharing wealth Why it matters: The gerund can take “wealth” directly without “of.”
- 12. Correct donation preposition Original: donations of the basic needs Suggested revision: donations for basic needs Why it matters: Donations are made “for” needs rather than consisting of the needs themselves.
Suggested Rewrites
- industrialises industrialised
- amazingly extremely
- third world countries developing countries
- status standards
- improve the economic status improve the economy
- share a certain portion of their wealth to the poor nations share a certain portion of their wealth with poorer nations
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, relevant case for wealthy nations to assist poorer ones, and its strongest feature is the progression from short-term aid to sustainable support through skills, technology, and education. Its main limitation is uneven language control, with recurring grammatical and collocational errors alongside weak paragraphing. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the argument into distinct paragraphs and edit sentences for accurate forms, articles, and prepositions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both sides, establishes a clear final position, and develops a relevant distinction between temporary aid and sustainable assistance.
Support the proposed forms of assistance with more specific explanation of how they would strengthen poorer governments' own capacity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through responsibility, limitations of short-term aid, and longer-term solutions, but the single-block presentation weakens paragraphing and some linking is mechanical.
Divide the response into purposeful paragraphs and use referencing within sentences instead of relying so heavily on introductory linkers.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of topic vocabulary, although recurring word-form and collocation problems reduce precision.
Improve natural combinations such as provide aid to, raise living standards, and further education, while checking noun and adjective forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, but article, preposition, agreement, and sentence-boundary errors recur.
Proofread each complex sentence for complete clauses and accurate articles, verb forms, and prepositions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.