Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?
Same question Compare 2 different answersSample Response
Development of any territory is influenced by the availability of basic amenities. The scarcity of facilities such as food and education obstruct the growth of a country. Some people believe that affluent nations should be accountable for making these things accessible for fortuneless countries. However, I tend to believe that these services should be provided by its own ruling party.
To begin with, the government should fulfil the necessities of the people because of whom they got the power. For instance, most countries use the voting system for selecting government and, hence, satisfying people becomes a major duty of the party in power. If the party fails to support their residents with facilities like food and education, it may result in their failure in next election. Thus, it is obvious that legal entity is chargeable for taking care of their natives.
In addition to this, native people pay various types of taxes to the government. A good illustration for this is the certifications which are held at the university level and its fees always include some amount of tax. If, after paying education tax, the government fails to provide a better level of schools and universities, residents may prefer giving chance to some other political party in next elections. Therefore, chances of losing control over individuals will be increased and hence it becomes inevitable for government to refute their duties.
For above, it can be concluded that in order to maintain its position, the government of needy nations should be concerned towards satisfying the needs of its citizens. If elected command succeeds in this, they may be able to attract people from other nations towards their country which may help boost economy of the country. As a consequence, developing nation will be turned into developed one in near future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match subject and verb Original: obstruct Suggested revision: obstructs Why it matters: The singular subject “scarcity” requires the verb “obstructs.”
- 2. Use natural wording Original: fortuneless Suggested revision: poorer Why it matters: “Fortuneless” is not natural in this context; “poorer” states the intended meaning clearly.
- 3. Fix pronoun reference Original: its own ruling party Suggested revision: their own governments Why it matters: The replacement agrees with the plural reference to poorer countries and names the responsible institution accurately.
- 4. Use correct collocation Original: fulfil the necessities Suggested revision: meet the needs Why it matters: English normally uses “meet the needs” rather than “fulfil the necessities.”
- 5. Clarify the relative clause Original: because of whom they got the power Suggested revision: who gave it power Why it matters: This relative clause clearly links voters to the government's authority and fixes the pronoun reference.
- 6. Fix article and form Original: the voting system for selecting government Suggested revision: a voting system to select a government Why it matters: The revised phrase uses the appropriate articles and infinitive construction.
- 7. Choose precise wording Original: satisfying people Suggested revision: meeting people's needs Why it matters: The replacement expresses the government's duty more precisely than the broad verb “satisfying.”
- 8. Keep pronouns consistent Original: their Suggested revision: its Why it matters: The singular noun “party” requires the singular possessive pronoun “its.”
- 9. Fix reference and articles Original: their failure in next election Suggested revision: its defeat in the next election Why it matters: The revision fixes singular agreement, adds the required article, and uses the natural election collocation.
- 10. Name responsibility clearly Original: legal entity is chargeable Suggested revision: the government is responsible Why it matters: “Chargeable” does not mean responsible for citizens' welfare in this context.
- 11. Fix pronoun agreement Original: their natives Suggested revision: its citizens Why it matters: The singular government takes “its,” while “citizens” is the appropriate noun for the people it governs.
- 12. Add the article Original: paying education tax Suggested revision: paying an education tax Why it matters: A singular countable instance of a tax requires the article “an.”
Suggested Rewrites
- obstruct obstructs
- fortuneless poorer
- its own ruling party their own governments
- fulfil the necessities meet the needs
- because of whom they got the power who gave it power
- the voting system for selecting government a voting system to select a government
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position and organises two relevant reasons around government accountability and taxation, with meaning remaining generally easy to follow. Its main limitation is that the reasoning is repetitive and sometimes questionable or imprecise, while the alternative role of wealthy nations receives almost no analysis. The highest priority is to develop fewer, stronger arguments that directly compare the two responsibilities and support them with credible examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and supported by relevant reasons, but development is repetitive and the wealthy-nation alternative is barely evaluated.
Directly compare why domestic responsibility should outweigh international assistance, using one credible and fully explained example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and logical sequencing are clear, although progression relies on formulaic links and repeated election-related reasoning.
Give each body paragraph a distinct argumentative purpose and use referencing rather than repeated connective phrases to show relationships.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but frequent inaccurate choices and collocations such as "fortuneless countries" and "refute their duties" reduce precision.
Prioritise natural policy-related collocations, such as "disadvantaged countries," "provide public services," and "fulfil their duties."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument, despite recurring errors in articles, agreement, pronoun reference, and noun phrases.
Proofread each sentence for articles and agreement, especially when shifting between "government," "party," "country," and their pronouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.