Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?
Sample Response
Our world is a very diverse place, and not always in a good way. There is a huge disproportion in terms of wealth and resources across different countries, and this state of affairs raises the question of whether richer nations should aid those less fortunate or rather let them fight their battle for themselves.
On the one hand, giving poor countries food, resources or money without getting anything in return, such as goods or services, is bound to remove any motivation for them to develop and to do something to improve their situation. This may create a vicious circle, similar to the common problem where some unemployed people abuse the welfare system by not even trying to find a job. This concern is one of the top reasons why some are convinced that it is the governments of poorer nations who should be responsible for the well-being of their citizens.
On the other hand, many people believe that helping countries that suffer from poverty is a moral duty and can benefit both rich and poor nations by making the world a better place. They argue that the right type of aid, first of all, education, gives poor countries a chance to get back on their feet and start changing for the better. The question of whether the charity is a good approach to dealing with poverty has always been a matter of debate.
Personally, I think that although wealthy nations should not be obliged to help the poorer ones, it seems like the right thing to do. Apart from humanitarian reasons, it can also bring about some political and economic benefits to the donors as they are creating a foundation for future cooperation and potential trade.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise poverty phrase Original: fight their battle for themselves Suggested revision: address poverty themselves Why it matters: The revision states the poorer nations' responsibility directly and avoids a vague metaphor.
- 2. Avoid absolute causation Original: is bound to remove any motivation Suggested revision: may reduce their motivation Why it matters: The modal phrasing presents the proposed risk without claiming an inevitable total loss of motivation.
- 3. Use concise action verb Original: do something to improve Suggested revision: take action to improve Why it matters: The replacement expresses purposeful improvement more directly.
- 4. Correct problem construction Original: where Suggested revision: of Why it matters: The noun 'problem' takes 'of' before this gerund phrase.
- 5. Use formal ranking phrase Original: top Suggested revision: main Why it matters: 'Main reasons' is more suitable than the conversational phrase 'top reasons' in an academic essay.
- 6. Clarify example marker Original: the right type of aid, first of all, education Suggested revision: the right type of aid, particularly education Why it matters: 'Particularly' clearly identifies education as the important example rather than the first item in an undeveloped sequence.
- 7. Remove unnecessary article Original: whether the charity is a good approach Suggested revision: whether charity is a good approach Why it matters: The general concept 'charity' does not take the definite article here.
- 8. Name countries directly Original: the poorer ones Suggested revision: poorer countries Why it matters: The explicit noun avoids an informal and potentially vague substitute.
- 9. Clarify donor reference Original: benefits to the donors Suggested revision: benefits for donor countries Why it matters: The revision uses the natural preposition and identifies the donors consistently as nations.
- 10. Show means directly Original: as they are creating Suggested revision: by creating Why it matters: The 'by' phrase makes the creation of cooperation and trade the means by which benefits arise.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: There is a huge disproportion in terms of wealth and resources across different countries Suggested revision: There are huge disparities in wealth and resources among countries Why it matters: The rewrite replaces a wordy singular construction with a concise plural expression.
- 12. Maintain paragraph progression Suggested revision: Link the final general statement about debate back to the preceding explanation of education as effective aid, or remove it. Why it matters: The generic closing sentence interrupts the paragraph's progression from moral duty to the value of educational assistance.
Suggested Rewrites
- fight their battle for themselves address poverty themselves
- is bound to remove any motivation may reduce their motivation
- do something to improve take action to improve
- where of
- top main
- the right type of aid, first of all, education the right type of aid, particularly education
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay handles both perspectives in a balanced, mature way and ends with a clear, nuanced position that distinguishes moral choice from legal obligation. Its main limitation is that the case for aid is less fully developed and includes a generic sentence about debate rather than further support. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen that side with a concrete example of effective educational aid and explain its long-term impact.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both alternatives are addressed with a clear personal position and relevant reasoning, though the argument for providing aid is developed less fully than the opposing case.
Extend the pro-aid argument with a specific example showing how education or targeted assistance creates sustainable development.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organised into well-focused paragraphs, and ideas progress smoothly through a controlled contrast to a nuanced conclusion.
Replace the generic final sentence of the third paragraph with a direct link from effective aid to the writer's final position.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and natural, with effective expressions such as 'vicious circle', 'moral duty', and 'foundation for future cooperation'.
Refine the few less natural choices, particularly 'the charity' and 'one of the top reasons', to maintain consistently idiomatic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only rare minor lapses that do not affect clarity.
Polish article use and reference in phrases such as 'whether charity is a good approach' for even greater accuracy.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.