Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?
Sample Response
Some school of thought believe that strong economies should aid the poor countries in terms of supporting them in their primary needs, while some others think it is due to the local governments to deal with such internal problems. Although both the parties have some strong justifications to support their ideas, I personally agree with the first group more because of several key factors including lack of resources in such poor economies, the fact that we are living in a global society. The first important point I would like to mention is the fact that most of the poor economies are suffering from lack of having enough facilities and resources in the fields such as education and food. As the first may lead to making them even poorer and also increases the number of criminal actions and even worse in some cases potentially making some people joining terroristic groups. While the latter causes several unpleasant results such as children disability and death. Another important thing is we should not forget all the people in the world are part of one community, the human being. Regardless of all the things makes us different, we all share the same biology. Therefore, as a human everybody should try his/her best to do what he can to make the world a pleasant place for the others. Moreover, as it mentioned above, some of the negative results such as terrorism may directly affect the other nations including first world countries. To put everything in a nutshell, supporting the poor countries to make a better life for their people will cause several pleasant results not only domestically but in some cases internationally and more importantly, it all is justified by humanity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix number agreement Original: school Suggested revision: schools Why it matters: Some requires a plural noun, and the plural subject agrees with believe.
- 2. Match nation terminology Original: strong economies Suggested revision: wealthy nations Why it matters: Wealthy nations names the countries in the question more precisely than strong economies.
- 3. Remove general article Original: aid the poor countries Suggested revision: aid poorer countries Why it matters: The comparative plural refers generally to less wealthy countries and does not need the.
- 4. Use needs collocation Original: in terms of supporting them in their primary needs Suggested revision: by meeting their basic needs Why it matters: People meet basic needs; supporting someone in needs is not a natural collocation.
- 5. Remove redundant determiner Original: while some others think Suggested revision: while others think Why it matters: Others already functions as a pronoun, so some is unnecessary here.
- 6. Express responsibility clearly Original: it is due to the local governments to deal Suggested revision: local governments are responsible for dealing Why it matters: The revised structure correctly assigns responsibility to local governments.
- 7. Remove unnecessary article Original: both the parties Suggested revision: both parties Why it matters: Both directly determines the plural noun, so the article is unnecessary.
- 8. Place comparison naturally Original: agree with the first group more Suggested revision: agree more with the first group Why it matters: The comparative adverb more naturally modifies agree before the prepositional phrase.
- 9. Coordinate listed reasons Original: including lack of resources in such poor economies, the fact Suggested revision: including the lack of resources in poorer economies and the fact Why it matters: The two reasons require an article and a coordinating conjunction.
- 10. Remove wordy lack phrase Original: suffering from lack of having enough facilities Suggested revision: suffering from a lack of facilities Why it matters: A lack of facilities expresses the shortage directly and idiomatically.
- 11. Use parallel areas Original: in the fields such as education and food Suggested revision: in areas such as education and food provision Why it matters: Food provision is an area of support and is parallel with education.
- 12. Add complement marker Original: Another important thing is we should not forget Suggested revision: Another important point is that we should not forget Why it matters: The noun point requires a that-clause to introduce the proposition grammatically.
Suggested Rewrites
- school schools
- strong economies wealthy nations
- aid the poor countries aid poorer countries
- in terms of supporting them in their primary needs by meeting their basic needs
- while some others think while others think
- it is due to the local governments to deal local governments are responsible for dealing
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay gives a clear and consistent case for wealthy nations supporting poorer ones, developing resource shortages, shared humanity, and international consequences as relevant reasons. Its strongest feature is the movement from domestic need to global interest, while frequent grammatical errors and some exaggerated causal claims reduce precision. Prioritise concrete examples of effective food or education aid and clearer explanation of how assistance complements local government responsibility.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The preference for international assistance is clear and supported by several relevant reasons, though the alternative responsibility of poorer governments and some causal claims receive limited analysis.
Explain how external aid and accountable local government can work together, using a specific food or education programme as evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses from resource shortages to shared humanity and cross-border effects, but single-paragraph presentation and fragmented first-and-latter references weaken cohesion.
Use separate paragraphs for material need and global responsibility, and replace vague references with explicit nouns such as education and food insecurity.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate vocabulary for poverty, resources, and international responsibility, but recurring inaccurate collocations and word forms limit precision.
Use phrases such as 'wealthy countries,' 'meet basic needs,' 'local governments are responsible for,' and 'international consequences.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex ideas are attempted and generally understandable, though sentence fragments, agreement, articles, verb patterns, and relative clauses contain frequent errors.
Turn fragments beginning with 'As' and 'While' into complete sentences and check agreement in every main clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.