Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?
Sample Response
Nowadays, a lot of disasters are coming to different countries like earthquake, flood and typhoon. These disasters are some of the reasons why other countries are having trouble with their life. Because of these a lot of building industries, farms, schools and houses are destroyed that can lead to the shortness of the resources of one nation. Trauma also can be an additional factor to down countries. Besides, some countries lack the technological development, natural resources and skilled manpower which are required to develop the overall condition of a country. Thus the question arises, whether the rich nations should raise their helping hands to those poor nations or the government of those poor nations should take initiative to change the fate of the nations. In order to lift up the underdeveloped countries, some type of help is needed. Besides, other nations are lucky to have better positions that are not prone to disaster and also rich in natural resources. In addition, some of these nations have invented high technology gadgets which play as a business wherein they get their funds for some projects of a country. Therefore, in my opinion, the fortunate nations should aid to the poorer nations according to their willingness, status and laws. Although helping others are very warm feeling, it should be watched out for. It should be taken care of also to avoid dependency and abuse that can lead to war and discrimination of different cultures. In summary, the one who has a better status in life or in government must render concern to others with limitations in order to teach also independence and bring back the confidence of an underdeveloped country.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural disaster phrasing Original: disasters are coming to different countries Suggested revision: disasters are occurring in different countries Why it matters: Disasters occur in places rather than come to them.
- 2. Use plural examples Original: like earthquake, flood and typhoon Suggested revision: such as earthquakes, floods, and typhoons Why it matters: Generic examples require plural count nouns, and such as introduces them formally.
- 3. Clarify the hardship Original: trouble with their life Suggested revision: difficulties in daily life Why it matters: The replacement expresses the effect on people's lives naturally and precisely.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: Because of these a lot Suggested revision: Because of these disasters, many Why it matters: Naming the cause and adding the comma makes the reference and sentence structure clear.
- 5. Separate the nouns Original: building industries Suggested revision: buildings, industries Why it matters: Buildings and industries are separate things damaged by disasters.
- 6. Use correct shortage phrase Original: shortness of the resources Suggested revision: shortage of resources Why it matters: Shortage of resources is the standard collocation for insufficient supplies.
- 7. Place adverb correctly Original: Trauma also can be Suggested revision: Trauma can also be Why it matters: Also normally follows the modal verb in this construction.
- 8. Repair the meaning Original: factor to down countries Suggested revision: factor that weakens countries Why it matters: The revised clause clearly expresses trauma's negative effect on nations.
- 9. Remove incorrect article Original: lack the technological development Suggested revision: lack technological development Why it matters: Technological development is used generally here and does not take the definite article.
- 10. Use correct improvement verb Original: develop Suggested revision: improve Why it matters: Improve is the natural verb for making a country's condition better.
- 11. Fix clause punctuation Original: Thus the question arises, whether Suggested revision: Thus, the question arises whether Why it matters: Thus needs a following comma, while no comma belongs before the whether clause.
- 12. Correct the idiom Original: raise their helping hands to Suggested revision: extend a helping hand to Why it matters: Extend a helping hand is the standard idiom for offering assistance.
Suggested Rewrites
- disasters are coming to different countries disasters are occurring in different countries
- like earthquake, flood and typhoon such as earthquakes, floods, and typhoons
- trouble with their life difficulties in daily life
- Because of these a lot Because of these disasters, many
- building industries buildings, industries
- shortness of the resources shortage of resources
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response presents a recognisable position that richer countries should offer conditional assistance and raises the relevant risk of dependency. Its main limitation is incomplete task development: extensive background on disasters replaces a direct comparison of wealthy-country aid with poorer governments' own responsibility, and frequent language errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to build one developed case for each side before reaching a clear, qualified judgement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A relevant qualified view is given, but the alternative responsibility of poorer governments is only briefly acknowledged and supporting ideas remain general.
Explain what wealthy nations should provide, what poorer governments must do themselves, and why a limited partnership is preferable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves from causes of need to aid and dependency, but one-block presentation, lengthy background, and loose connections weaken progression.
Use separate paragraphs for the need for external assistance, domestic responsibility, and the final balanced position.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary conveys the broad argument, but frequent unnatural word choices and collocations substantially limit precision.
Use natural phrases such as suffer disasters, shortages of resources, support poorer nations, provide aid, and prevent dependency.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex forms are attempted, but frequent agreement, article, clause, and noun-form errors weaken control while meaning remains generally clear.
Prioritise complete clause structures and agreement, especially disasters occur, buildings are destroyed, helping others is, and nations should provide aid.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.