Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?
Sample Response
There is a considerable debate over charity and aid system in first world countries. This essay is about the necessity of providing life supplies and education to nations which can’t stand on their feet and why these nations should be responsible for providing aid to poor countries. First of all, it all started with the invention of steam power. Human kind's exploration chances have risen enormously with this invention and as a result of this colonisation became a real deal. While masters increased their wealth, slaves' life standard decreased tremendously. Because of this decrease in life standards, many of the former colonies don't have the power to provide their own nation with even basic requirements. From another point of view, living and education is a birth right of humanity and these shouldn't be a concern normally. Wealthy nations should also take responsibility to provide suitable life needs it most. For instance, anyone who seeks for justice should have right to escalate their case to European Court of Human Rights and similar processes should be available for people who are seeking for their born rights such as foods and education. On the other hand, the main reason why people favour the idea not to share their wealth with others is that it would mean the end of colonisation worldwide. They believe that they had plenty of time to improve their economy. As a result of this, it was the poor nations' problem to take care of their mess. In conclusion, my personal view about charity and aid to poor nations is a responsibility of both parts. Wealthy nations should provide local governments with aid and guidance to offer their nation with better life standards.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: system Suggested revision: systems Why it matters: The two coordinated categories require the plural noun “systems.”
- 2. Use precise country term Original: first world countries Suggested revision: wealthy countries Why it matters: The replacement matches the terminology of the question and avoids an imprecise label.
- 3. Name basic needs Original: life supplies Suggested revision: basic necessities Why it matters: “Life supplies” is not a natural English collocation.
- 4. Use formal description Original: nations which can’t stand on their feet Suggested revision: nations that cannot meet their basic needs Why it matters: The replacement states the intended limitation clearly and formally.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: exploration chances Suggested revision: capacity for exploration Why it matters: “Capacity for exploration” expresses the intended ability more naturally.
- 6. Fix result connector Original: as a result of this colonisation Suggested revision: as a result, colonisation Why it matters: The comma separates the result linker from the clause it introduces.
- 7. Use academic wording Original: became a real deal Suggested revision: became widespread Why it matters: “A real deal” is informal and does not clearly describe colonisation's expansion.
- 8. Name colonial powers Original: While masters increased their wealth Suggested revision: While colonial powers increased their wealth Why it matters: “Masters” is vague and does not identify the group being discussed.
- 9. Fix living-standards phrase Original: slaves' life standard Suggested revision: the living standards of enslaved people Why it matters: “Living standards” is the conventional plural expression, and the revised noun phrase is clear.
- 10. Identify recipients correctly Original: nation Suggested revision: citizens Why it matters: Governments or countries provide necessities to citizens, not to a nation as an object.
- 11. Use precise needs term Original: requirements Suggested revision: necessities Why it matters: “Necessities” is the natural term for essential food, shelter, and services.
- 12. Fix noun and agreement Original: living and education is Suggested revision: a decent standard of living and education are Why it matters: The coordinated subject is plural, and “a standard of living” is the correct noun phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- system systems
- first world countries wealthy countries
- life supplies basic necessities
- nations which can’t stand on their feet nations that cannot meet their basic needs
- exploration chances capacity for exploration
- as a result of this colonisation as a result, colonisation
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay presents a final position that both wealthy and poorer governments have responsibilities and attempts to explain the historical and moral case for international aid. Its main weakness is that several links are unclear or weakly relevant, particularly the steam-power history, the human-rights-court example, and the claim that withholding aid would end colonisation. Prioritise two directly relevant arguments—wealthy nations’ obligations and poorer governments’ accountability—and develop each with a concrete aid example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both alternatives are mentioned and a shared-responsibility position emerges, but the position is initially unclear and several supporting ideas are insufficiently relevant or developed.
State the shared-responsibility view in the introduction and explain how external funding plus accountable local delivery could jointly provide food and education.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has recognisable stages and paragraphing, but progression is weakened by abrupt topic shifts and unclear logical connections between examples and claims.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and use explanation before examples rather than moving from colonial history to legal rights without a clear bridge.
Lexical Resource
There is some range for discussing aid, justice, and development, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace expressions such as life supplies, exploration chances, born rights, and take care of their mess with basic necessities, overseas expansion, fundamental rights, and manage development responsibly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex structures are attempted, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, possession, clause construction, and pronoun reference reduce clarity.
Clarify sentence subjects and check forms such as an aid system, humankind’s, living standards, the right to, and provide nations with assistance.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.