The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Sample Response
The given line graph compares the proportions of people aged 65 and overcompares the aged people of Sweden, the USA and Japan from 1940 and gives projectionsprojection totill 2040. As is observed from the line graph, initially in 1940, the proportion of aged people who were over 64 years old was between 5 andto 10 percent. These proportions generally increasedThis rate kept on increasing in the USA and Sweden while it decreased in Japanwhile decreased in Japan. After 40 years, in 1980,After 40 years in 1989, this percentage was about 14% in Sweden and 15% in the USAaround 15% both in Sweden and the USA while it was about 3% in Japanonly 2-3% in Japan. The more the aged people in a country the better the life expectancy and medical improvement and this indicated the improvement in the USA and Sweden while downgrade trend in Japan. But after 2000, the proportion of people aged 65 and overthe rate of aged people in Japan rose gradually before increasing sharply after 2030kept increasing sharply and it is projected that in 2040 Japan's proportion will exceed thosethe number of aged people would surplus the number in Sweden and the USA though thethese latter two countries would also have more aged people in thethis coming years than they do nowthey have now. This also forecasts the life expectancy and medical advancement in Japan after 2030.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response recognises the broad early contrast and the key projection that Japan will overtake Sweden and the USA by 2040. However, it gives no sufficiently focused overview, misdates the 1980 comparison, and devotes substantial space to unsupported claims about life expectancy and medical progress. The priority is to report only visible proportions and trends, including the different fluctuations and projected end values, with clearer sentence control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main long-term direction is partly captured, but key fluctuations and values are omitted while unsupported causal interpretations replace visual description.
Provide an objective overview stating that all three proportions ultimately rise, with Japan projected to surge from the lowest level to the highest by 2040.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a broadly chronological sequence, but a single dense block and a long final sentence weaken the clarity of progression.
Use a distinct overview and separate past-data and projection paragraphs, each with shorter comparative sentences.
Lexical Resource
There is some relevant trend vocabulary, but frequent imprecise choices such as aged people, downgrade trend, and surplus the number reduce accuracy.
Use proportion of people aged 65 and over, downward trend, overtake, and percentage points consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally recoverable, but frequent errors in verb forms, comparison structures, articles, agreement, and sentence boundaries reduce control.
Rewrite the projection sentence into two complete clauses and check forms such as decreased, would surpass, these coming years, and than they have now.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.