Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. To what extent do your agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people believe that people gain many benefits frompeople have many advantages from international business and tourism. However, I totally disagree with this opinion and firmly believe that people have manymuch more disadvantages than advantages from international relationships with other countriesfrom the international relationship with different countries. First of all, international tourism brings many disadvantages to the local environment. For example, when people travel from different countries to visit new placescome to visit new places from different countries they use transport to move from one place to anotherdifferent. As a result, the local environment becomes pollutedlocal environment has been polluted. Another example is tourists like to visit historical sites in a new countryhistorical places of a new country that they have just come to visit and some of them do not respect these historical sitesdo not have respect to this historical place. As a result, these people can disturb this place by leaving rubbish there or ever though break this place. The next point that should be taken into consideration is that local businesses are disruptedlocal businesses have been distracted when foreign companies introduce new products or servicesoutsiders come with their new products or services from overseas. For example, it is a local tradition to produce chocolate and many people buy this popular type of chocolatea lot of people buy this popular type of chocolate. However, foreign people brought with them different types of chocolate at lower pricesdifferent types of chocolates the price of which is cheaper. As a result, local people start to buy new foreign types of chocolatenew, foreign type of chocolate. Therefore, local chocolate production declinesthe local production of chocolate stopped and people who work there lose their jobspeople who worked there lost their jobs. For this reason, local people can be harmed by international business and tourismcan struggle with the international business relationship and international tourism. To sum up, it is evident that international business and tourism bring with them many disadvantages to the local environment and economy. From my point of view, it would be better to develop without disruption from foreign businesses and tourismwithout distractions from foreign business and tourism.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay’s strongest feature is its consistently clear disagreement, supported by relevant environmental and economic examples. Its main limitation is that frequent grammatical and lexical inaccuracies make several explanations awkward, even though the intended meaning remains understandable. Prioritise revising imprecise phrases and sentence structures, then separate the introduction, main arguments and conclusion into distinct paragraphs to make the response more controlled and accessible.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question, sustains a clear position, and develops two relevant disadvantages with examples, although some claims are overgeneralised.
Qualify the examples by explaining when foreign tourism or competition causes harm rather than implying that these outcomes occur universally.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear sequence and uses cohesive phrases effectively, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens its organisation.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with one developed central idea in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for discussing tourism, the environment, and local business, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as “businesses have been distracted” and “disturb this place” with precise expressions such as “businesses are displaced” and “damage the site.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but recurring errors in articles, plurals, verb forms, and clause construction remain noticeable.
Proofread each sentence for article use and verb agreement, especially in constructions describing tourists, historical sites, and local businesses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. To what extent do your agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.