Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. To what extent do your agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Since the dawn of time people around the world develop a closer relationship not only to their own country but also internationally. This is because of the growth of international tourismthe growing tourism industry internationally and each country's international business dealingsthe business dealings each country has. It is agreed that societies have greatly benefitedsocieties greatly benefited from the closer relationships they have with foreignersrelationships they have with the foreigners. This argument will be proven by looking at how international tourism brings diverse people together and business growth makes life more convenientbusiness growth results in a convenient life for the locals. For one, internationalInternational tourism brings diverse people close to one another. For example, in Boracay situated in Kalibu, Aklan, the beach capital of the Philippines, many tourists from France, Germany and America regularly visitconsistently come and visit the white sand beach and they develop friendshipsthey constantly develop friendships with the local people of Aklan. With the friendships they formthe comradeship that they have, the localslocales learn about their cultureslearn their cultures and different languages such as French, German and American English. This showsAs this shows that the closer relationships that Aklan residents haverelationships Aklan people have with the foreigners really havehas many advantages for them. In addition to this, the tourism industry brings more businesswith tourism industry comes more business resulting into a convenient life. For instance, in Boracay, businesses grow rapidlybusiness growth increases rapidly from international fast-food outletsfast-foods to native foods, souvenirs to disco clubs that creategive more jobs for the local folks. Thus, they can surely afford basic needs for themselves and their families which make their lives more comfortable. It is obvious from this that the Kalibos have benefitedhave a benefited a lot from their closer relationships with the people from other nations. In conclusion, the relationship between the people of Aklan and the foreigners developed closely through international tourism that bringing them together and the business associated with it that makes local people's lives more convenient. It has been proven that closer relationship with the foreigners benefited enormously the societies. Thus, it is recommended for us to socialise with different nationalities.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear agreement and supports it with relevant examples of cultural exchange and employment growth in Boracay. Its central argument is understandable and reasonably developed, but the lack of paragraphing, repetitive progression, and frequent awkward or inaccurate language reduce clarity and polish. The priority is to separate the two benefits into focused paragraphs and explain each causal link with more precise grammar and vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is supported by two relevant benefits and a specific local example, although some claims are broad and the business point depends heavily on tourism.
Explain separately how international tourism and wider international business create lasting social benefits, using one precise example for each.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a recognisable introduction, cultural benefit, economic benefit, and conclusion sequence, but the entire essay is presented as one paragraph and linking is mechanical.
Divide the response into four paragraphs and replace repetitive announcing phrases with direct topic sentences and clear referencing.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss tourism, cultural contact, and employment, but several word choices and collocations are inaccurate or unnatural.
Use precise expressions such as 'local residents', 'cultural exchange', 'create employment', and 'improve living standards' instead of awkward alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms, but frequent errors in tense, agreement, articles, prepositions, and clause construction weaken accuracy and sometimes disrupt flow.
Edit each sentence for one complete main clause, then check subject-verb agreement and verb-preposition combinations before adding dependent clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. To what extent do your agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.