Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
It is true that most of the celebrities are known more for their luxurious lifestyles than forknown for their luxurious lifestyles than for their performance or talents these days. Many people think that this kind of attitude is not a good example for the young generation. To a certain extent, I would agree that this kind of behaviour would be a bad example for societybad example for the society, but other famous people are popularthere are other famous people are popular due to their outstanding accomplishmentsaccomplishment.
On the one hand, it is a fact that many famous people become popular due to their fancy lifestyle, instead of their outstanding achievementsachievement these days. Their acting talent might be standard or below the average, but they are creating a sensationmaking sensation to the public by showing their wealth and glamorous lifestyles. One of the examples would be Kim Kardashian who is famous for her reality television program, whereas it mostly shows her luxurious mansion, party and shopping-focused lifestyleshopaholic lifestyles and less of her talentacting. It is believed that the behaviour would be a negative influence onfor the young people as it teaches them about a hedonistic lifestylehedonistic lifestyle.
On the other hand, there are celebrities who are popular for their incredible acts or outstanding performance. These people have shown to the world that they have reached success due to strong determination and hard work, and the public always recognise them for their artistic masterpiecesmasterpiece of arts and great achievements. One of the examples would be the legendary English footballer David Beckham. He was not only a good athlete but also became the model of some sports apparelapparels. Although David Beckham sometimes showedAlthough David Beckham sometimes had shown his glamorous lifestyle, Deletebut he had also shown to the public that he was a good football player. He explained in his biographyHe had informed in his biography that to achieveachieved success, he had to work hard when he was youngin his young age, as he had to practice in doing penalty kick for around 1000 kickskick per day consistently. These kinds of celebrities are worth followingworth to be followed by the young generation.
In conclusion, many famous people are well known for their wealth and luxurious style, instead of their achievement and it would be a negative example for the young peopleyoung age people. To a certain point, I would disagree with the opinion, since there are other celebrities who are famous due to their great talent and performance. In my opinion, I think the public should be more selective in choosing their role models, not just by what they show on cameranot just in front of the camera, but we should also see from their personal life as well.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest when it develops both sides with relevant celebrity examples and guides the reader through a clear, balanced structure. Its main weakness is that the stated position shifts between partial agreement and disagreement, while awkward collocations and recurring clause-level errors reduce precision. Prioritise a single, consistent stance from introduction to conclusion, then proofread verb forms, articles, and fame-related word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay presents a balanced position and discusses both glamour-focused celebrities and achievement-based role models. The response is relevant and developed with examples, but the conclusion slightly confuses the extent of agreement.
Keep the stance consistent from introduction to conclusion by saying exactly to what extent you agree, for example "I partly agree".
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is effective, with one paragraph for each side and a conclusion. Ideas progress clearly, although some sentences are long and the final position could be signposted more consistently.
Use a clearer concluding sentence that restates the same partial-agreement position introduced at the start.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic vocabulary, including luxurious lifestyles, hedonistic lifestyle, determination, and role models. Some collocations are inaccurate or awkward.
Refine collocations around fame and achievement, such as "attract public attention", "sporting goods", and "achieve success".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses complex structures, but there are recurring errors with relative clauses, verb forms, and articles. These errors affect accuracy but rarely prevent understanding.
Check that every clause has the right subject-verb structure, especially after "there are" and after conjunctions such as "although".
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.