Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
It is certainly true that today more celebritiesTV and movie personalities are better known for their glamorous lookslook and wealth rather than their accomplishments. This will probably have a negative impact on gullible young individuals but not on critical-thinking teenagersnot for the critically thinking teenagers. The primary reason to agree with this statement is that minors are gullible. They are easily influenced by those they watchtaken into those who they watch onin television, movie or even in advertisements. For instance, Philippine presidential sister and TV and movie superstar, Ms. Kris Aquino is the most admired especially for the Filipino adolescents, and at the same time most dislikeddislike celebrity in the country. She came from a very powerful political family, but she uses her wealth for the sake of glamour through liposuction and spending too much onfor expensive branded products such as Louis Vuitton, Chanel and Hermes. This will perhaps affect impressionable young peoplebelieving younger people in a negative way because she is actually showing that it is alright to spend too much money for altering one's natural appearancemanipulating God-given body and for unnecessary costly things. On the other hand, not all young ones are credulous; most of them are critical thinkers. So they are wisewisely enough not to look just the attractiveness and wealththe allurement and richness of TV and commercial stars but to focus on their notable achievementsfocus their notable achievements. For example, the international boxer figure, Emmanuel "Manny" Pacquiao who was then a typical Filipino poor man, and became an extremely wealthy boxing man because of his undeniableundeniably perseverance and dedication. These are the qualities some youths in the Philippines are trying to emulate. In conclusiontrying to emulate In conclusion, I think that in my country, there are more discerning younger people than unwise ones. So they are not easily affected by just the celebrities' beautiful aura and wealth. They know which qualities to emulatewhich one to be emulated and that is the figure's good qualities.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response presents a nuanced position and uses contrasting celebrity examples to show why young people may react differently to glamour and achievement. However, the single-paragraph, run-on structure weakens readability, while the examples carry more of the argument than the broader reasoning does. Organise the essay into clear paragraphs and support each side with a general explanation before adding a concise example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the extent question and gives a nuanced position that some young people are negatively influenced while others think critically. However, the argument relies heavily on two local celebrity examples and does not fully examine the broader issue.
State the extent clearly, then give one general reason and one example for each side rather than letting examples carry most of the paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is written as a single paragraph, and the conclusion is attached to the previous example. This seriously weakens readability even though the argument sequence can be followed.
Use four paragraphs: introduction, reason for agreement, reason for partial disagreement, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in vocabulary, including glamour, wealth, accomplishments, gullible, and emulate. Several choices are awkward or inaccurate, such as taken into, believing younger people, allurement, and aura.
Use natural collocations such as influenced by, impressionable young people, attractiveness, achievements, and role models.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay contains understandable complex sentences, but there are frequent article, preposition, word-form, and sentence-boundary errors. Run-on structure reduces control.
Break the single paragraph into shorter sentences and check verb forms after because of, focus on, and affect.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.